The One With All The Roschel One Shots
by Missroxy87
Summary: Ross and Rachel hidden moments. Every chapter will involve one episode of Friends, think about these scenes as single ficlets. What might have happened but was never shown on the show. Enjoy! Featuring Episodes: 3x19, 7x22, 10x13, 1x18 and 1x24, 9x09, 7x20 21, 5x05, 10x12 13, 4x10 11, 10x11, 8x16, 10x04
1. Disclaimer

Hi Guys!

Welcome to my newest installment, "**The One With All The Roschel One Shots**".

Every chapter will involve one episode of Friends, and you shall think about the scenes in each chapter as a single ficlet. My idea is that all of this _might have happened_ but we never saw it on the show.

I'll try to share chapters that are coherent with one another, but remember that each of them must be read as a single work, so don't consider them as consequential.

I decided to put together all the one shots to help you following only one story and also to save space on

**I do not own any characters of Friends, but I feel they belong to the heart of every fan in this world.**

I hope you enjoy this!

RT


	2. Still Hope

**Episode: The One With The Tiny T-Shirt (3x19)**

* * *

"Listen to me!"

Chandler was trying hard to convince Ross to reason and stop behaving in such a foolish way. He held the door shut with his feet, leaning on Ross's back not to fall off of him.

"Juice, I need…" Ross tried to talk again, but Chandler cut him off.

"She's moving on! Okay? If it's not this guy, it's gonna be somebody else! And unless you're thinking about subletting my peep hole…you are going to have to get used to the fact that the relationship is **over**! Okay, man? It's over."

Ross didn't want to admit this, but Chandler was right. He felt his heart aching again at that revelation, but he couldn't deny it anymore. Rachel going out with Mark was a clear sign of the fact that she wouldn't get back with him as he had been hoping since that faithful day of their horrid break up.

"Yeah, okay…"

"Okay." Chandler calmed down and waited for his words to sink in.

"It's just I miss her so much."

Chandler couldn't help but feeling terrible for his friend. He had known Ross for so many years.

Years in which Ross had been in love with Rachel almost for the entire time they had spent together; aside from the few years he had been happy with Carol. Moreover, Chandler had just got through a bad separation with Janice, so he knew how bad it felt to lose someone you really love.

"I know." He murmured, rubbing Ross's head in a very friendly way.

He stepped down from his friend's back, still amazed for Ross's strength.

"I know." Chandler repeated.

Ross was still upset and devastated, so Chandler thought this would be a good time to ease the tension with a joke.

"Is it me, or did _subletting my peephole_ sound kind of dirty?"

Ross thought about it for a couple of seconds.

"Ok man, I'm gonna take off." He eventually announced.

Chandler was surprised by the unexpected turn of events, "Are you sure you will be fine on your own?"

Ross gave out a painful smile, "No…But at least I have to try, otherwise I'll never be able to move on."

Chandler nodded in comprehension, "Ok. You know where to find me."

Ross nodded, appreciating his best friend's will to help him. He opened the apartment door and stepped outside in the corridor. He tried to catch any noise coming from Monica and Rachel's living room, but he couldn't hear anything. He kept his eyes on the door, trying to convey all his willpower not to open it.

Chandler checked on his friend for a few seconds, ready to intervene again and _tackle_ him.

However, he soon realized that Ross was right. He needed to face this on his own. He closed the door behind him and left Ross alone to face his demons.

Ross waited another minute, still unable to stop staring at Rachel's door.

After a long sigh, he finally decided it was time to head home.

That was the right choice, he was behaving as an adult. No more drama between the two of them.

Little did he know that at that right moment, inside Apartment 20, Rachel was having all kind of doubts about her decision to date Mark.

Ross had never felt so lonely. He threw his keys on the kitchen counter and sat on the couch.

He hadn't been able to sleep in his bed since the night he had spent with Chloe.

He still considered it _their_ bed.

Ross looked around and found his _Frankie says relax_ t-shirt on the table. He took it in his hands, he still remembered the last time he had seen Rachel wearing it. She loved sleeping with that shirt when they were together; it made her feel comfortable. And it made Ross proud to have such an amazing girlfriend.

He could still smell her perfume on the garment.

_This isn't helpful_, he thought.

Suddenly, he felt nauseous. About his situation, about everything he had done.

_It's my fault. It's only my fault. _

The tears formed at the corner of his eyes and he didn't prevent them from falling. He lay down on the couch, wrapping himself up in a fetal position.

_I threw away the best thing that ever happened to me._

* * *

Ross woke up abruptly when he heard someone knocking.

His face was still dry for the hundreds of tears he had cried the previous night. He shook his head and walked towards the door. When he opened it, he found Monica waiting.

"Hi." She shot a tender smile at him.

"Hey. Why are you here?" Ross asked his sister.

"Chandler told me what happened yesterday."

"Uh." Ross rubbed his front. "Come in. Want some breakfast?"

"I'm good, thanks."

Monica took the chance to have a look around. Ross's apartment was in a state of total mess. Her instinct told her to start cleaning up, but she thought this wasn't the right moment. _Maybe later_.

"Mon" Ross was speaking to her from the kitchen. "I'm fine, really. I can handle this. You don't need to worry."

"Ross, please. I'm your sister."

Ross just ignored her, keeping his hands busy preparing coffee. "I mean, I don't care if she wants to go out with Mark, you know? I always knew she was attracted to him, it looks like I was right about this."

Monica let him blabber for a bit. She knew that Ross was exaggerating, as usual. He had this tendency to make little things look much bigger than they were. Nonetheless, she also knew that her brother was suffering, so she tried to soothe him.

When Ross walked towards her and sat on the couch, Monica took his hand and stroked it.

"Ross…I already told you what I think about what happened. You will never hear me say that you were allowed to cheat on Rachel because you were _on a break_."

"But…"

Monica cut him off, "But I understand. You're my brother, and I love you. I want to be supportive. And I came here to tell you something that will make you feel a whole lot better."

Ross's sneer was enough as an answer. "And what is that?"

He believed that _nothing_ would make him feel better.

"I spoke with Rachel. Yesterday night she told Mark that she doesn't feel like dating him right now."

Ross was flabbergasted, "Why?" he murmured.

"She feels that it would be like cheating on you. That she would do this only to get back at you."

Ross was too astonished to talk.

"She doesn't want to go out with anyone; it would be too hard to jump into a new relationship."

Ross looked at his sister with newfound hope, "What do you think?"

"Well…if I know Rachel, and after all these years I think I do, I'm pretty sure that she's still in love with you."

Ross closed his eyes, repeating Monica's words in his mind.

"It's going to be tough to forgive you, maybe impossible. Otherwise, she would have done it by now. But she still loves you. It would be crazy to even think that she doesn't."

Ross nodded and let her words sink in.

"Ross, you've got to understand that women don't forgive a betrayal so easily, whatever the circumstances are. I know you are not a serial cheater, but you _did_ sleep with another woman. And you have to accept this fact."

Ross knew that Monica was right, but it was still difficult for him to admit what he had done. Let alone live with the fact that Rachel was hurting because of him.

"Right now you both need to move on. She's trying so hard, Ross. And you must help her."

"Why? Why should I help her move on from me, from us?" Ross wondered, close to the tears.

"Because she needs to see the best part of you. If you keep behaving like before, always trying to keep up a fight with her for the petty things, it won't do you any good."

Ross's eyes fell on the _Frankie says relax_ t-shirt.

"But if you help her seeing that you are a nice guy…maybe one day she will understand that what you did was just a horrible mistake and she will forgive you."

Ross nodded, feeling grateful for having such a caring sister.

"Thank you, Mon." he hugged her.

"I just want you to get better, Ross. I can't stand seeing you like this. Promise me you'll take care of yourself."

Ross smiled and chuckled, "Ok."

Monica kissed him goodbye and left the apartment.

When Ross's eyes caught a glimpse of the t-shirt laying on the table, he figured out what he had to do.

* * *

Monica, Chandler and Phoebe were chatting about silly things when Ross entered the apartment.

"Hi."

The three of them stopped talking, afraid of Ross's reaction.

"Hey." Monica greeted him. "Are you okay?"

Ross nodded, holding a big brown box in his hands.

"Yeah…is Rachel here?"

"Not yet, she's getting back from work." Monica told him.

Ross sighed, "Maybe it's better. Listen, when she gets home, can you tell her I left this box for her?"

Monica looked at him with suspicion. She immediately thought that her former conversation with her brother had been useless, because that box looked like another way to start a quarrel with Rachel.

Ross put a hand on Monica's shoulder, "Trust me, I know what I'm doing."

Monica nodded in relief, Ross looked fine. "Ok."

She couldn't help but notice a slight smile on her brother's lips while he went away.

* * *

"Why isn't it Spiderman? Y'know like Goldman, Silverman..."

Chandler looked back at Phoebe in all seriousness, "'Cause it's – It's not his last name."

"It isn't?"

"No, it's not like, like Phil Spiderman. He's a spider – _man_. Y'know like ah, like Goldman is a last name, but there's no Gold – _Man_."

"Oh, okay. There should be Gold Man!"

Monica laughed for Phoebe's remark just as Rachel entered the apartment.

"Hey!"

"Hey, Rach, how was work?"

"Oh, great. Although I did sit down where there wasn't a chair."

Monica didn't want to ruin her mood, but she really needed to tell Rachel about Ross's visit.

"By the way, Ross dropped by a box of your stuff."

Monica waited for her best friend's reaction, but Rachel seemed cool with the news.

Rachel walked towards the small table in the living room, "Oh, well, I guess I had that one coming. I'm just gonna throw it out, it's probably just a bunch of shampoo and..."

When Rachel opened the box, she suddenly stopped talking.

Monica was terrified.

"Something wrong?" she asked her.

She was afraid of what her brother might have put inside that box. She was dying to know what was in it and she was ready to scold Ross, if he had made the wrong choice. Had he given something back to Rachel to make her suffer even more?

Rachel took the _Frankie says relax_ t-shirt from the box and held it to her chest. Monica checked carefully her movements and she noticed Rachel taking a deep breath.

Rachel smiled to herself and replied, "No. Nothing."

Monica's eyes followed Rachel heading for her room to put the shirt away. And when she came back, still smiling and with glittering eyes, Monica knew that her brother had hit the mark.

Now she had no doubt.

Those were the eyes of a person who was still very much in love.

Monica smiled to herself, pondering all the events of that day.

_Maybe there's still hope._


	3. Special

**Episode: The One With Chandler's Dad (7x22)**

* * *

After the embarrassing meeting with Officer Petty, Ross let Rachel drive to head back home.

They didn't talk very much, but Rachel kept giggling from time to time, remembering the scene she had just witnessed.

* * *

"_You want to help me out here?" Ross asked her, trying to keep his voice low not to get heard from the Officer who was waiting outside the car._

"_Sorry, what?"_

"_Can you do your little...thing that you did before?" Ross almost begged Rachel to help him. She had flirted with the previous Officer they had met; now she was his only hope to avoid a ticket._

"_Oh, I don't think so. I don't think I want to tarnish his badge." _

_Ross thought that he would complain with Rachel later, he knew he had this coming. He had scolded her for her flirtatious ability before and now she wasn't prone to help him, obviously._

_Ross conveyed all his willpower to get a mellow attitude and try to persuade the man in front of himself. _

"_Y'know of-officer I uh…I had the weirdest dream last night…"_

"_Oh my God!" Rachel blurted out. She couldn't believe that Ross was actually using *her* flirting strategies with a man._

"_Your license, please." The Officer said, not even showing signs of changing his attitude. _

_Ross chuckled, "You don't – you don't want to hear about my dream Officer…Pretty?" he said, noticing the name on the man's uniform._

_The police officer was evidently annoyed. "It's Petty." He grabbed Ross's license. "I'll be right back with your ticket."_

_As the man walked back to his car, Ross sensed Rachel starting to talk: "You have a son!"_

_He closed his eyes, "I know. I know!"_

* * *

"I can't believe what you did, Ross." She laughed, her eyes fixed on the road in front of the Porsche.

Ross sighed, "Please, could we…not tell about this to the guys?"

"And why would I do that, exactly?" Rachel replied, already savoring the hundreds jokes Chandler would invent to mock Ross's misadventure.

Fortunately, Ross had an ace in the hole, "I won't tell Monica that you drove the Porsche."

"Deal."

Rachel didn't wait a second to answer, causing Ross to chuckle for her response. They looked at each other with understanding, in a way that was so typical between them and nobody else.

That way that made them so uniquely _Ross and Rachel_.

They knew each other so well, partly because of the wonderful year they had spent as a couple, but mostly because even if the rest of the world thought that they were too different, the truth was that they were very in tune with one another, like chords blended together to build a wonderful melody.

And they still loved having fun together, especially when they could gang up against Monica.

The two former lovers kept smiling for a few seconds; they both had a fixed thought in their minds, though neither of them was ready to express it aloud.

Yet.

* * *

When they got home, Rachel parked the car right where Monica had left it before leaving for Las Vegas.

"So, do you want to catch up with Joey and Pheebs?" Rachel asked Ross.

"I don't feel like spending more money at the coffee house tonight, I just paid a hundred bucks for a very unfair ticket."

"Ross, you were driving at 37 miles on the highway!" Rachel reminded him.

"Well, I was just being very careful!"

Rachel chuckled again and headed for the apartment with Ross in tow.

"Do you want something to drink while we wait for Joey and Phoebe to come back?"

"Sure." Ross replied. He soon noticed that Rachel was opening Monica and Chandler's door.

She looked back at him scrutinizing his curious expression.

"Well? They aren't home and I have nothing in my fridge, it's Joey's turn to go grocery shopping!"

"So I'm not the only one you should call cheap." Ross smirked.

They both entered the apartment and Rachel went directly to the fridge.

"Are you up for some wine?"

Without warning they had touched the _taboo_ issue.

Their memories were brought back to the night they had spent together a few days before.

Rachel's eyes grew wide for her own silliness in mentioning the wine, Ross coughed nervously and adverted her eyes to look elsewhere. Suddenly, Monica's couch became the most interesting thing in the apartment.

"Oh, margaritas it is?" Rachel almost yelled, clapping her hands together.

"Absolutely!" Ross quickly answered, nodding with decision.

Ross sat close to the kitchen table while Rachel prepared their drinks. After a couple of minutes, her cute smile was back on her lips.

"We…" she hesitated for a few seconds. "We never really talked about it."

Ross stared intently at the two glasses Rachel was pouring the margaritas into.

"No, uhm…we didn't." he agreed.

Rachel nodded, still trying to avoid eye contact with him. "Are you sure that you want to drink with me…again?"

Their eyes finally met.

"I think I will take the chance." He smirked slyly at her.

"I'll drink to that." Rachel replied.

She smiled back at Ross and they clinked their glasses.

After swallowing twice, Rachel found the courage to say something she had wanted to confess Ross since they had slept together.

"Great night, wasn't it?"

Ross nodded slowly, "Yeah..."

They both had little smiles on their faces.

Ross felt this was the right time to excuse himself for his behavior.

"By the way, I'm sorry that I left in such a hurry that morning. I was late, I had a class and I had a huge headache with the worst hangover…"

"Ross, it doesn't matter, really… I slept-in and…you going away was the right thing, at least Joey didn't see you. I mean…How could we tell the others something like that?"

"What do you mean?" Ross wondered. Was she regretting this?

"Well, they would have false hope about…you know…_us_."

Ross understood what she meant and felt a bit disappointed. "Because in the end it didn't mean anything, right?" He said with resignation because the truth was that Ross felt that night had meant _everything_.

"Of course, it was…nothing. Just a bonus night…"

After hearing the lack of conviction in Rachel's voice and noticing that she had lowered her eyes, Ross couldn't help but sigh.

Maybe he wasn't the only one who was concealing his real feelings.

On the other hand, Rachel hoped that Ross would say something to disagree with her.

Their eyes met again when she finally managed some courage to look at him. They smiled tenderly at each other, both realizing that this might be the umpteenth turn back point in their relationship.

They wanted so much for this conversation to mean the beginning of _something_, but they were also scared about the thousands of implications.

Ross was the first to break the silence, "Well, this doesn't change the fact that it was amazing. And I want you to know that…in spite of whatever happened between us, you know – when we were together and after we broke up…every single night that I spend with you – " Ross was looking for a different verb to use other than _mean_. "Well, it matters."

Rachel stared at him with gratitude.

"You know what I mean, it's never just…sex, with us."

Ross sighed again after this confession, releasing a breath he didn't know he was holding. He felt his cheeks burn, he was probably flushing as he used to do years ago, before getting together with Rachel.

However, Rachel cut his embarrassment by taking his hand in hers.

"Thank you, sweetie. This is important to me. It makes me feel…special."

Ross squeezed her hand, "Rach, you know how special you've always been to me."

As he said this, a vivid memory came back to Rachel's mind.

_It's always been you, Rach. _

"You've always been the most special woman in my life. And on some level, I think you'll always be. At least until I have a daughter!"

Rachel chuckled for his joke, trying to keep the tears that were forming at the corner of her eyes.

She considered telling him the truth. That she missed him; that she really enjoyed the time they had spent together lately. Babysitting Ben and teaching him all those pranks, or going out with the car like tonight.

Last, their bonus night.

That awesome, incredible moment of bliss, come from nowhere but oh, so well received.

She opened her mouth, "Ross…"

He was captivated by the way she had just said his name; he swallowed hard, feeling his throat getting suddenly dry.

"What?" he murmured.

"Hey, there you are!" Joey's voice forced Ross and Rachel to let go of each other's hand.

"We've been looking for you!" Phoebe sentenced.

"Margaritas! Such a great idea!" Joey yelled, catching two glasses from the sideboard. Phoebe took the pitcher on the table and started to fill them.

Ross sighed and shot another knowing smile at Rachel; she nodded with understanding and immediately stood up to help her friends.

As she had feared, this moment **would** be another unsuccessful attempt to talk about their real feelings.

Eventually, both Ross and Rachel couldn't imagine what would happen in two weeks.

Yes, they had been interrupted tonight.

But they didn't know that the result of their bonus night was already growing inside Rachel's belly.


	4. The reason

**Episode: The One Where Joey Speaks French (10x13)**

* * *

When Ross left Rachel's apartment, he went straight to the Coffee House to take an infusion to go.

He felt really tired for the long days spent at the hospital, but most of all he was still upset for his last conversation with Rachel. Even if he was exhausted, Ross was pretty sure that sleep would elude him that night.

As soon as Ross arrived, he found Joey sitting on the orange couch. He silently smiled at his friend, who was eating a muffin on his own.

_Good old Joey_.

He ordered his blueberry infusion to go, making sure to speak out so that Joey would notice that he was there.

"Hey!" the actor greeted him when he heard his voice.

"Hey. Everything ok?"

Joey nodded, throwing another piece of muffin in his mouth. "It is now!"

"How did the audition go?" Ross wondered, sitting next to him.

"Uhm, not so good. Phoebe thinks that my French accent was too sophisticated, they needed someone with a less perfect inflection."

"Oh, I'm sorry man." Ross tried to comfort him.

"Ah, it's okay, Ross. Or should I say… _Bleh de puf_, Ross!"

Ross squeezed his eyes. He made a mental note to ask Phoebe about the real motives of Joey's exclusion at the audition, because the fool wasn't obviously speaking a word of real French.

"So, how's Dr. Green?" Joey inquired him.

Ross nodded, "Getting better, the man is a rock. Truth is, I'm the one who's a bit tired tonight…" he stretched out and massaged his neck, closing his eyes for a couple of seconds.

"Tough day, uh?"

"You have no idea."

"So, how's Rachel? Is she home yet?"

"Yeah, she's upstairs with Emma, they are both asleep. She was tired, but fine. And I must say that she took the whole heart attack issue very well, she was a wonderful daughter to her father."

Joey smiled, noticing that Ross's eyes were almost sparkling while saying this.

"Rachel was at the hospital almost all the time, in contrast to Jill and Amy that visited their old man for less than thirty minutes."

Joey scoffed, "Those two are unbelievable. Probably the only hot girls I've ever despised."

"I know! I mean, even Sandra was there a few times. She also made up some excuses to visit Leonard more than once. She made me think, you know? They ain't together anymore and yet somehow they still care about each other in spite of the divorce."

Ross's eyes were lost in the air in front of himself, but Joey caught his dreamy expression. He could sense that his friend was thinking hard about something and he was trying to hide it.

Joey squeezed his eyes and stared intently at Ross, trying to figure out what that could be.

He suddenly snapped his fingers, "You and Rachel had sex!" he screamed, his mouth opened in surprise.

"What? No, we didn't!" Ross yelled back.

Joey giggled, "You totally did it!"

"No way! She was worn out and distressed about her father, there was no chance that I could take advantage of her in such condition!"

Joey smiled, "So there _was_ a chance of something to happen?"

Ross just glared at him, sighing for his own choice of words.

"Come on, tell me!"

Ross looked hard at him, "Joe, don't take this personally, but…I don't feel comfortable talking about this…especially with you…"

Joey was a bit taken aback by Ross's revelation, but he knew he had this coming.

Maybe it was time to clarify a few things with his friend, making him understand that his crush on Rachel was over.

"Ross, I know that Rachel and I going out made you lose your trust in me, but you gotta believe me. Whatever it was that I felt, it's gone. I'm totally, totally over her."

Ross listened to his friend's confession, trying not to make him notice how much he truly needed to hear those words.

"We love each other as friends, she's like a sister to me."

Ross waited for Joey to complete his speech. That was the sincerest they had been since they had last talked about Rachel in Ross's apartment, the day after the disastrous double date involving Mexican food.

"We probably needed to go down that road to realize how wrong it felt. That we aren't meant for each other."

Ross nodded, "My head knows that, it's just that…it's still hard for me not to close my eyes and see you two kissing, Joe."

Joey nodded back, feeling guilty for what his best friend had been through.

"I'm not going to say that I'm angry at you…you had the right to do whatever you want; it's not like I own Rachel or anything. It's just that sometimes I start thinking about it and…it's not easy, you know?"

"Yeah, I know." Joey agreed.

"And it certainly isn't easy for me to talk about my relationship with Rachel with you. God, that wouldn't be easy with a headshrinker either!"

Ross adverted his eyes, staring at the rest of the muffin on the table.

Joey chuckled, trying to stay serious, "But we used to, all the time! Before any of this happened, you always came to me and Chandler, asking for advice. Well, Chandler isn't here now, but I am. And I'm still your friend, right?" Joey asked him, a bit worried for the answer he might get.

Ross turned his head to look back at him, a serious expression on his face. He thought a couple of seconds, then his lips turned into a smile. "Yeah, one of the best."

Joey patted him as they both recognized this words as a monumental moment in their renovated friendship.

"So…" Joey took a piece of his muffin. "Tell me what happened."

"Well…we were at Leonard's house, Rachel was upset for the long day and she asked me to stay with her for the night because she didn't want to be alone. I misunderstood her real intention and accepted, I just wanted to keep her company. And then I don't know what happened but she literally jumped on me."

"Wow!" Joey shouted out.

"I know!" Ross said, sounding like his sister. "Anyway, I tried to…resist her."

"What do you mean that you _tried_? Did you kiss?" Joey asked, a hopeful tone in his voice.

"No, I felt that would be like…taking advantage of her. She was so vulnerable. I didn't want her to regret it later."

Joey smiled to himself. He knew that Rachel had never regretted _anything_ that had ever happened with Ross. Emma was living proof of that. And he honestly thought that this _incident_ didn't look much different.

"What happened then?"

"**I** was the one with regrets."

"Well…"

They laughed together for Joey's remark.

"This morning we had an argument while we were back at the hospital. She said she felt embarrassed because I didn't accept to sleep with her, that I made her feel stupid. I've never refused her advances before, as you know."

Joey smiled. He knew his friend enough to be certain of one fact: he would do anything to make Rachel happy. Not to sleep with her might have cost him. _A lot_.

"But I was afraid of the repercussions that a single one-night stand would cause. I mean, we all know what happened last time we gave up to temptations."

"Well, I've been listening to the _repercussions_ of your last bonus night crying in the other room during the last year."

Ross smiled, thinking about Emma. "Anyway, I told her that sex was off the table."

"Wow…and you believe that?"

Ross shook his head, "Well, I thought so. Then I took her home, and she kind of excused herself for what she said to me before. She came back to her senses and agreed that I was right, that sleeping together wasn't probably the best idea."

"Smart." Joey established.

"Yeah, but that was when **I** started to change my mind. We talked about the past, nice moments we had while we were together…until she told me something unexpected, that I didn't understand."

"What?"

"She said that with us…it's never off the table."

A huge grin appeared on Joey's face as he nodded to himself. That was the moment of truth, he had finally understood everything.

"What?" Ross prodded him to explain.

Joey shook rapidly his head, "Nothing, I just realized the real reason behind the failure of the short _Joey and Rachel_ saga."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that she still has feelings for you. It's pretty obvious, Ross."

"Not _so_ obvious."

"Come on, first she asks you to go with her to visit her father, then she threw herself in your arms, she wants to sleep with you…and then she tells you that you're never off the table, that _means_ something!"

"I know, but…she didn't ask me to get back together, she never asked anything!"

"Did you?"

"No!" Ross replied, adamant.

"So it's true that you don't love her anymore?"

"No!" Ross answered so fast that he didn't have time to think about his response.

A few seconds passed, with the two friends looking at each other in silence.

"Well, you have your answer."

Ross was starting to feel bad, "So you're telling me that I'm the reason you guys didn't stick together? That I am the real cause of the failure of Rachel's relationships with any other man?"

Ross tried to reassure him, "No…when Rachel and I dated we never spoke about you. We just tried and it didn't work out. But if I think about it, there was never that…sparkle…that has always existed between you two. The same thing that is still there today, which is the reason why you will always be _Ross and Rachel_. It's inevitable."

Ross pondered his friend's words. It made sense, even if he didn't want to admit this.

"That's one of the reasons she never really let herself go with me. I think, subconsciously she still has deep feelings for you and she'll always have."

"Hey, you learned what 'subconsciously' means!" Ross noticed with happiness.

Joey chuckled. "Seriously, Ross. She probably felt that a relationship with me would put you two off the table forever. That's why she didn't enjoy the Joey lovin'."

Ross suddenly remembered how he had felt when he had dated Jill. How he could only think of Rachel, especially when her sister kissed him.

* * *

_I realize if anything were to happen with me and Jill then nothing could ever happen with us!_

_I don't know if anything is going to happen with us, again. _

_Ever. _

_But I don't want to know that it never could. _

* * *

So that was how Rachel had felt with Joey? That was why she had decided not to give a real chance to their relationship? Because she was secretly harboring hopes to get back together with him, one day?

As _he_ still secretly did?

"Do you really believe everything you just said?" Ross asked his friend.

Joey shrugged, "Well, it's a theory."

"A brilliant theory. I would have never thought about it."

Joey shook his head, "You are the Doctor, Ross."

They both chuckled together, watching the waitress approaching Ross with his infusion. He thanked her and took another intense look at Joey, still trying to internalize his words.

"I'd better go now; I have to work tomorrow."

He stood up, ready to leave.

"Ok. Ross!" Joey called him.

"Yeah."

"Tell me the truth. If you could go back, after what I said to you…would you still say no to Rachel?"

Ross thought about it. The first thing to appear in the back of his mind were Rachel's beautiful eyes looking at him as they hadn't for such a long time.

He remembered how great it felt to hold her close to him, even if he was just trying to calm her down.

He gazed back at Joey.

"Ask me again when I don't remember that I haven't had sex in four months."

Joey smiled, watching his friend go away.


	5. Flush

**Episodes: The One Where Rachel Finds Out (1x24) - The One With All The Poker (1x18)**

_**This One Shot involves one of my favorite episodes EVER (TOW All the Poker), probably my fave episode of Season 1.**_

_**When I decided to write this ficlet, the only thing that wasn't clear was when I wanted this conversation to happen; but then I got this weird idea of merging the scene with another episode that I absolutely love (TOW Rachel Finds Out).**_

_**I hope you enjoy this blending!**_

_**Author Note: I just found out that in Episode 10x05 Rachel mentions that 'Nana' died seven years ago. So, being that episode at the end of 2003, this means she died in 1996, so a little later than what I made up in this fiction, probably around Season 2/3. I think Rachel was still with Ross when that happened. But, hey, if the creators can create plot holes, maybe I can too. XD**_

* * *

Ross and Rachel were walking side by side down the streets around the neighborhood.

Chandler's birthday was coming soon, and Ross had got this great idea of buying _Pearl Jam_ tickets for the gang, considering that the six of them had become very fond of the band and Chandler always talked about their latest album, _Vitalogy_. Of course, Monica had embraced the idea so much that Ross had started to dislike it, even more when Monica had entrusted Rachel and himself with the _primary_ task of buying their friend's gift. He knew that finding the tickets at the local music shop would be tough; they probably would need to wait in line for who knows how much time.

But Joey was out for an audition, Monica had to work, and Phoebe was with a massage client. Therefore, after collecting the money, Monica had _invited_ Ross and Rachel to deal with the ungrateful assignment that very evening.

They were heading for a very famous music shop; all the people of the Village used to buy concert tickets there. Ross had already warned Rachel that this would probably be in line for a while. Rachel though was extremely excited; she had never bought tickets on her own, before. According to her, this would be the new monthly life experience.

"So, are you feeling nervous now that you're almost a dad?" Rachel asked, trying to keep the conversation up.

"Well, I usually try not to think about it too much, but then I realize that the due date is coming, and…I can't help it, I'm really looking forward to meet my little boy."

Rachel smiled tenderly, "I'm sure you will be an amazing father."

"You think?"

"Of course, Ross! You're the smartest person I know, and the only real grown-up man I've ever met."

"Wait, what about Chandler and Joey?"

Rachel pretended to be thinking hard, "Let me see…" She articulated every word. "Yesterday evening they rushed inside our apartment because they had run out of nachos."

"What did they need nachos for?"

"Chinese food night."

Ross shook his head, sure that he had misunderstood. "What do Nachos have to do with Chinese food?" he wondered.

"I was not allowed to ask."

Ross chuckled and he almost blushed as he noticed Rachel's cute smile.

"Well, thank you for what you said. It means a lot to me."

"Oh, you're welcome." She caressed his arm in a very friendly gesture, but that meant much more for Ross, obviously.

After a minute spent in silence, Ross finally glimpsed the shop sign, "Here we are. Ready for the longest queue of your life?"

Rachel didn't answer. Ross turned around and noticed that she had stopped in front of an Antique store. He walked back towards her, sensing immediately that something was wrong because she had tears at the corner of her eyes.

"Hey, what's going on?" he asked with a soothing voice.

"That pin…it just…reminds of something." She answered fast, trying to get away from the window.

"Hey" Ross grabbed her arm before she could leave, "Rachel, are you crying?"

"No…just a bit." She replied.

Ross waited for his friend to calm down; he knew she would give him an explanation as soon as she was ready. Rachel walked towards the window again, pointing at a classical brooch.

"When I was a little girl, Nana had a pin that looked like that one."

Ross smiled, "It's nice that you remember."

"Yeah." Rachel's eyes were sparkling now, full of childhood memories. "She used to make braids with my hair, and she sang for me. I loved spending time with her."

"Was she Dr. Green's mother?"

Rachel scoffed, "No, that's Grandma Ida. She is very funny, but she kind of looks like a potato."

Ross chuckled, glad to find out a new personal detail of her family. "So she is your maternal grandmother?"

"Yes." She sighed. "She got Alzheimer's disease. She doesn't even remember my name."

"I'm sorry, Rach."

Ross lifted his hand and touched her shoulder with a reassuring squeeze. He knew what it meant remembering a granny that you are fond of, having said goodbye to Althea only a few months before.

"Well…if you like that pin so much, why don't you take it?" he suggested.

Rachel laughed, "Yeah, sure, look at the prizes! With the money that I have on my bank account I can barely pay the rent. A cameo like that easily costs my monthly salary. Not a chance."

Rachel walked away, leaving a thoughtful Ross behind.

It wasn't fair.

He really wanted Rachel to have that pin.

But could he take it without any consequences?

Of course, he could enter that shop and buy it. He certainly could afford it more than Rachel did.

What he could not _afford_ were the inquisitive questions that such a purchase would arise in Rachel.

The best idea was to come back later; even better, he would buy the pin for Rachel's birthday.

'_Yeah, that's a wonderful idea!_' he thought. 'S_he will be so thankful that she might realize about my true feelings, without the need to tell her!_'

"Ross? Are you coming?" Rachel yelled. She had already arrived at the music shop.

He nodded and joined her.

Once they were inside, they saw a very long line of people in front of the shop girl assigned to tickets sale, so they immediately took their place at the end of the queue.

"Check your time." Ross recommended. "I bet it'll take us around…35 minutes."

"Ok. Are you sure that you're still willing to bet against me?"

Ross made an annoyed grin, "Yes, I think I'll take my chances."

Rachel smiled back at him, giggling in delight.

"Rach, about the whole poker thing…I'm sorry for my behavior. I was such a jerk."

"Ross, don't even think about it. I wasn't pleasant either. I kept calling you petty names and I was very rude."

"A bit, yeah." Ross agreed, nodding with an amused smile on his face.

"I was just…pissed off for my job interview. I really thought it was getting somewhere."

"I'm sure that your moment will come, Rachel. Sooner or later someone will understand how passionate you are and they will give you a chance."

"Passionate?" Rachel asked, surprised by Ross's choice of words.

He blushed a little bit, moving his fingers in the air, "I just mean...You are amazing, you put so much effort in everything you do, and you learn new things so fast! I have no doubt that you'll get your chance."

Rachel looked at him with the loveliest smile on her face, almost picturing that moment.

"I know it's not easy when you stuck in square one, and it can be tough to build a career in the City when you don't have any experience. I mean, there are many people looking for a job…"

"Yeah, I got it, Ross, thank you." the spell was broken, but Rachel laughed.

"You're welcome!" Ross replied, laughing along with her.

Rachel got pensive for a few seconds, and then she blurted out, "You really are a good friend, Ross."

A _friend_.

That word hit Ross more than a knife in the back. How many times had he heard it, already? And how many other times he would, in the future?

"I still can't believe I beat you the other night!" Rachel shook her head, remembering the full house that had made her win the game.

Ross's lips turned into a secret smile. She still did not have a clue of what had really happened…

* * *

"_What do you mean, you fold? Hey, come on! What is this? I thought that 'once the cards were dealt, I'm not a nice guy.' I mean, what, were you just full of it?"_

_Ross stared at Rachel, pondering his possibilities. The only thing that came through his mind right then was how beautiful she was when she acted so determined. _

_She looked back at him with a serious gaze, probably trying to figure out Ross's next move._

_All Ross wanted to do was knock over the table, walk straight to her and kiss her, but of course, he wouldn't._

_In addition, he couldn't retreat like that, because Rachel would eventually understand that he was hiding something, and probably the other girls, too. _

_To be honest, since he had witnessed that phone call, Ross had started to forget about that stupid game. He felt terrible for Rachel, all his feelings for her had come back in a rush, screaming from underneath that it wasn't fair to go on and play._

_And yet, he couldn't lose the façade he had built, he had to behave again as Mr. Not-a-Nice-Guy, raise the bets and keep playing with her. _

_Because that was what she needed right then._

_Ross touched his nose with his fist and smiled. He coughed as he finally sat down again._

_He took his five cards and announced, "I'm in."_

"_How many you want?" Rachel asked._

"_One." _

_Ross threw his card on the table, trying to calm his emotions. He was still angry, and yet so fascinated by Rachel at that moment. He had already made up his strategy: he would raise the bet as much as he could, trying to understand if Rachel got a better hand than his. _

"_Dealer takes two." Rachel said, dealing herself two cards._

_Ross looked imperceptibly at his cards, noticing that he had a flush in his hands. Now he was sure he could easily win._

"_What do you bet?" Rachel asked, with a somewhat softer smile on her face._

"_I bet two dollars." Ross answered, smiling himself. It was weird, being there, playing with Rachel for money, knowing that she probably didn't have any to lose. _

_Was he really going to take everything from her? _

"_OK... see your two... and I raise you twenty." Rachel announced._

_Phoebe exhaled an astonished "Wow" and Chandler focused his attention on Ross, not knowing what his friend would do. Ross loved poker, and he also loved winning, but he was a terrible loser. _

"_I see your twenty, raise you twenty-five." Ross commented, throwing his fish in. _

_Monica was stunned, and Joey started to feel hot in that room. _

"_See your twenty-five..." Rachel began "And...uh, Monica, get my purse."_

_Monica stood up and did what her best friend asked, but Rachel's purse was empty. "Rachel, there's nothing in it."_

_Ross smiled at this, but Rachel wasn't over yet._

"_Ok, then get me your purse."_

_Both Monica and Phoebe looked for money in their wallets and pockets._

"_Ok, here you go. Good luck." Monica gave her a few dollars._

"_Thank you." Rachel took the money and counted it. "I saw your twenty-five, and I raise you...seven."_

"…_Teen!" Phoebe shouted, putting a ten-dollar bill on the table. _

_Ross took his own wallet, but he only had two dollars, not enough to cover Rachel's bet._

"_Joey, I'm a little shy." He told his friend._

"_That's ok, Ross, you can ask me. What?" _

_Ross put his hand on his eyes; he still could not believe Joey's naïf dumbness at times. _

_Chandler stood up to help him, "What do you need, what do you need?" he questioned, the wallet already open in his hands._

"_Fifteen." Ross said._

"_Alright, here's ten." Chandler gave him the money._

"_Here, I got five, I got five." Ross took money from Joey too._

"_Thank you."_

"_Good luck." Chandler patted him._

_Ross coughed again, the typical sign of his nervousness. "Ok, I am calling your seventeen. What do you got?"_

_He took his cards and finally looked back at Rachel, who was staring intently at her cards, her best friends standing behind her chair for support._

_She looked tentatively at Phoebe, almost searching for reassurance that she was doing the right thing. _

_Ross, though, could not keep his eyes off Rachel. He was studying her, but he was also trying to figure out what to do. He had a flush, and it was a tough hand to beat, he knew it._

_Rachel smiled and laid her cards down on the table, "Full house."_

_Monica and Phoebe were already celebrating, sure that Ross wouldn't have a better hand._

_Rachel waited for him to reply, hopeful and worried at the same time._

_Ross's expression changed. He did not look angry, not even resigned. Rachel thought it felt more like sadness and acceptance._

_On the other hand, Ross kept rubbing his cards. He still wasn't sure about his decision._

_He had a flush. Five cards of hearts. _

_It was almost like a sign, because he could feel his own heart beating so fast that he thought it might explode. How could he confess this and destroy Rachel's hope to win all that money?_

_She needed so much to conquer something after that phone call. _

_She needed to know that she _could_ make it. _

_If Ross told her the truth, he would become the bad man who had taken this tiny little ray of hope from her. _

_No, he couldn't do it. _

_A full was a very good hand, Rachel might believe that she had won._

_He rubbed his nose once more and finally said, "You got me." _

_Ross put his cards on the table, careful not to show what he actually had._

_All the three girls screamed in delight for Rachel's victory while Joey and Chandler yelled, incredulous and shocked. Ross folded his arms under his shoulders, still feeling his heart beating fast as he looked at Rachel enjoying herself, please for what she had just achieved._

_As the girls took a bottle of wine from the sideboard, the guys licked their wounds._

"_Ahhh, that's alright. Y'know, that's a tough hand to beat." Joey tried to comfort Ross._

_Chandler was much more disappointed, "I thought we had them!"_

"_Oh, well, when you don't have the cards, you don't have the cards, you know."_

_Ross's eyes turned to Rachel, standing at the opposite of the table. She was glowing. _

"_But, uh...look how happy she is."_

_Ross pointed at Rachel as he said that, smiling proudly for what he had just done._

_Joey and Chandler realized at once what had happened. They stared at Ross with comprehension – but this lasted less than five seconds – then all the three of them jumped on the table, trying to catch Ross's cards that still laid on it._

_Monica saw the boys fighting against something, "What's going on?" she asked them._

_Chandler and Ross stared at each other with fear in their eyes. They knew very well that they couldn't let the girls find out what was going on._

_Chandler and Joey moved from the table; in the mess, Chandler found himself with two cards while Ross had the other three._

"_Nothing, nothing…Chandler and I just need to settle, that's all."_

"_You've got nothing more to settle, duh!" Phoebe noticed._

"_Joe, didn't you want to order a pizza?" Chandler asked his friend, impatient to change topic._

"'_T was about time!" Joey yelled, moving away to catch the telephone._

_Chandler and Ross walked away from the kitchen, stopping in front of Rachel's bedroom. They were glaring at each other, almost like in a Western movie._

_Chandler looked down at his two cards and whispered, "Show me those cards."_

"_No!" Ross silently screamed back._

"_Show me!" Chandler asked with authority, getting closer to Ross._

"_No way, no!" Ross waved his hand to push Chandler away._

_Chandler sighed, "The other night you told us that you were over her, that you didn't have feelings anymore. Now I want to see your cards, Ross. Not only you bet your money, you also used Joey's and mine. You owe us."_

_Ross sighed, too. He didn't want to appear more pathetic than he already felt._

"_Listen, if you bet our money and lost it fair and square to try and beat the girls to keep up men's honor, it's acceptable. But if you did this to let Rachel win because you love her…"_

_Ross looked at his friend, waiting for him to finish his line._

"_Oh, well, it's acceptable anyway."_

_Ross nodded, feeling Chandler's hand patting on his back. He slowly delivered his three cards to Chandler._

_His friend turned them and realized that the five cards together gave Ross a flush._

_Chandler smiled, shaking his head._

"_What?"_

"_You are so hopeless. A lost cause."_

"_I can't help it, man."_

"_Could you BE any less over her?"_

_Ross chuckled. He stared back at Rachel, who lifted her wine of glass and smirked in his direction._

"_I so am not." Ross admitted. _

* * *

Ross came back to his senses, noticing that the line of people had moved a little bit.

"Yep, you won fair and square, Rachel."

She smiled, "We should play again sometimes, it was fun depriving you of all that money!" she giggled, shoving gently at him.

_If only you knew._


	6. Just Another Turning Point

**Episodes: The One With Rachel's Phone Number (9x09) **

**_This ficlet deals with one of the episode I hate the most._**

**_I hate it because this should have been THE turning point, and yet it became another way to keep Ross and Rachel apart._**

**_Hope you enjoy this._**

**_Oh, I wrote this *very* fast, sorry for typos and mistakes, as usual._**

* * *

Ross was still trying to figure out his feelings and shut up his inner turmoil.

The kitchen never looked so isolated from the rest of the apartment. No sound could be heard from the living room.

Ross closed his eyes, the image of Rachel wearing that fantastic dress and bended over Emma's crib was the only thing he could think of.

He started fidgeting, aware that he needed to clear up things with Rachel because he might get crazy if he didn't.

The mere idea of her going out with another guy…what was his name again?

Rob? Bob?

No, Bill.

_Bill from the bar_.

What kind of stupid average name was Bill, anyway?

Ross walked back to the living room, Rachel was still checking on Emma, a soft smile plastered on her face.

She looked tired, but satisfied. And Ross wasn't sure he wanted to know why.

But he _had_ to.

"So, you girls had fun tonight, uh?"

Rachel turned her attention to Ross, still smiling, "Yeah, but…to tell you the truth, I was looking forward to get home."

Ross felt his heart leap, "Get home…to Emma?" he returned, hesitantly but also hopeful.

Rachel pondered his question for a while.

She wanted to be honest with Ross; she really wanted to tell him the truth, about her doubts, about her conversation with Phoebe. Of course, she had hurried to get home to her daughter, but the real reason behind the abrupt end of her first night out was _Ross_. She didn't want him to find out about the guy at the bar, what was his name again?

She couldn't even remember.

'_I wanted to get home to both of you.'_

_Yeah, right, like I could blurt out something like that without consequences_.

She wanted things to change, but she did not know if she was ready, yet.

"Well, yeah, I missed her a lot tonight." finally came her response.

Ross looked dejected, "Uh."

Rachel's answer hurt him more than a knife.

Then it was true.

She was having fun, she probably met this Bill person, who flirted with her, and she enjoyed his attentions.

Besides, this was nothing new. When they were younger, this happened literally all the times. Rachel was used to have men around her, flirting and hitting on her.

_She's always been THAT beautiful, so don't kid yourself, Ross. As soon as she feels ready, she will find someone who makes her feel like a real woman, again. _

_She will find someone ELSE. _

_And this cohabitation will blow up in your face, as she feared when you proposed to live together in the first place. _

Ross thought again about the little piece of paper folded inside his pocket.

Suddenly his mind went back to the engagement ring still hidden in his desk drawer.

He hadn't been brave enough to take it out ever again after what had happened at the hospital.

He still wondered why in hell they had not dealt with _that_ after coming back home.

It was so typical of Ross and Rachel: whenever things got serious, whenever they could actually make things work again, they bailed out.

Ross knew, at this point, it was too late. That phone call from Bill was a clear demonstration of how much late it was for them.

Rachel eventually stood up from over Emma's crib, "Was she a good girl?"

At last, Ross's lips turned into the sweetest smile; he couldn't help but feeling grateful and in love whenever Emma was mentioned.

"She was an angel. After all, she is like her mom."

Rachel blushed and giggled, still remembering her previous conversation with Phoebe.

_You have a boyfriend. I have a…baby and a Ross._

Unbeknown to Ross, she was thinking about what have transpired between them that night just as well.

If she hadn't stopped him, God knows what would have happened.

_Stop looking at me like that. The last time that happened, that happened…_

Rachel had the terrible feeling that this night would turn out as the umpteenth failed turning point in their on-and-off relationship.

Ross gazed at Rachel again, incapable of taking his eyes off her.

_God, she is gorgeous tonight._

Rachel leant slowly towards him, bewitched by his intense stare.

She came back to her senses, though.

"Ok, uhm…I guess I'm going to bed; I'm very tired and she's probably waking up in a couple of hours for her feeding time, so…"

"Yeah, sure." Ross couldn't move away from her, still staring with those puppy dog eyes that made him so uniquely…well, _Ross_.

Rachel walked towards her room.

Ross was fighting a battle against his willpower. After a couple of seconds he squeezed his eyes, turned his right hand into a fist and sighed, "Rach, wait!" he called her back.

Rachel turned around, hope clearly visible in her eyes.

Ross approached her, walking excruciatingly slowly.

Rachel knew this was the time. Ross was finally working up the courage.

He would look at her with those lovely brown eyes, he would finally ask her.

All she needed to hear were three little words.

_Let's start again._

Better.

_I love you._

Wasn't this the crux of the matter?

That she was still in love with him just as much as he was still in love with her.

Why couldn't they surrender to their real feelings, for once?

If Ross was willing to do this, all she had to do was let him in.

Ross stared at her, a passion in his eyes that was long forgotten.

He knew that this was IT, he could do this.

Then his hand went down to his pocket.

That little piece of paper weighed more than a ton.

Everything that might have happened to Rachel in that bar did.

What if he really told Rachel how much he still cared about her, only to no avail; or worse, only to be rejected again?

What if she stopped him because she wasn't ready to start things up again, or because she was too afraid for Emma's well-being?

Everything was going really well between the two of them, they had a nice life together and Emma was their little princess.

What if they tried to make it more only to destroy the little trust they had so painfully rebuilt?

Ross shook his head, he knew that he couldn't do this, not yet.

He needed to understand if Rachel was still _in that place_, letting her be the one to make a move.

It was too soon.

"Uhm…I'd like to go out with the guys tomorrow, you think you could stay home with Emma?" he asked, emitting a sigh he didn't know he was holding.

Rachel was astonished and disappointed, but she tried not to show.

She really thought that a very different request would have come out from Ross's mouth, but she could not push him.

"Of course, Ross. You were so nice today; I can reciprocate." She smiled at him, a little tear forming at the corner of her eyes.

"Ok." Ross smiled tenderly, his eyes suddenly fascinated by the floor.

"Well, provided that you don't bring home the next ex Mrs. Geller!" Rachel tried to lighten the mood.

Ross chuckled, frustration finally getting out of his system, "If you think about it, I DO live with an Ex Mrs. Geller."

Rachel giggled, "Oh…yeah! Never thought about that!"

They both looked at each other, a little relieved that the horrible moment of tension had passed.

"Good night." He told her.

"Night." She murmured, heading for her room.

As soon as Rachel closed the door behind her, she leaned on it, feeling neglected and bereft.

_Maybe it's for the best._

She emitted a deep sigh, still wondering why they couldn't be sincere with each other.

But that was a question that had no answer.

Ross walked towards Emma's crib, his eyes immediately focusing on her lovely features.

"Sweetie…I don't know if I am ever going to tell your mommy how I really feel about her." He confessed to his daughter. Then a little grin appeared on his lips.

"Well, if I'm supposed to say this, you outta know more than anyone else."

Ross caressed Emma's cheeks, noticing for the millionth time how much she actually looked like Rachel.

"I think I'm still in love with her."


	7. Short Hair

**Episodes: Somewhere between The One With Rachel's Big Kiss (7x20) and The One With the Vows (7x21)**

_**I'm really proud of this. **_

_**I hope you like it!**_

* * *

Ross opened his eyes with a gasp, as you do when you have a nightmare and you still have that gut feeling that something terrible is waiting for you, lurking in the shadows.

He blinked rapidly, feeling the familiar sensation of an incoming migraine pervading his head.

Ross lifted his arm and put a hand on his forehead. With eyes closed, he sighed heavily.

He moved, sitting better in the bed, casually leaning his elbow on the cushion to sustain his weight.

That was the moment when he started remembering things.

His eyes fluttered open. He turned his head at his right, inspecting carefully – and maybe with anticipation. Because Ross was afraid he already knew who was lying beside him.

"Oh My God!" he mouthed, raising his eyebrows in surprise.

What the hell had happened the previous night?

All he could recall was the ruined date with Kristen, then a bottle of wine, then Monica and Chandler's invitations, and finally…

Rachel.

The woman he had spent the majority of his life being in love with.

Ross shook his head, staring at her perfect figure. She was still asleep, looking like an angel, with a soft smile plastered on her face.

Even if the setting was very similar to the one he had woken up in the morning after Vegas, this time, Ross had no doubt; they had definitely slept together.

It was all coming back to him; the way Rachel had flirted, talking about the night of Monica and Chandler's engagement. How she still considered interesting the fact that they both had wanted to have a bonus night.

Ross managed to smile when he remembered vividly the moment when Rachel had started telling the magic _Western Europe _story.

How she knew about that story, he probably would never know.

However, it had certainly served its purpose. As soon as Ross had heard Rachel mentioning Barcelona, he had felt entitled to jump her, kissing that woman like a soldier coming home after a ten-years-long mission.

And when he had realized that Rachel was actually answering his kiss, moving her tongue in perfect synchrony with his own, one of the craziest nights of his life had begun.

After making love on the couch, they had ended up in Rachel's bedroom, both too tired and spent. Ross had wanted to leave, but he hadn't been able to fight the impending fatigue that was already invading his body.

Ross glanced at his surroundings. Rachel's clothes were scattered all around, he could also see his pants, but the red sweater that he was wearing the night before was nowhere to be seen. He hoped not to have been so stupid to leave in the living room, where everybody could see it.

He ultimately focused on Rachel. For the first time since he had woken up, he relaxed.

'_God, she is beautiful'_, he thought.

And she was, indeed, especially with that new short haircut.

Ross used to worship her hair when they were dating.

When they had gotten together years before, Rachel had a wonderful haircut, one of those hairstyle that women all over the world would try to emulate, had Rachel been a fashion icon. Ross had once stated jokingly that they might as well have named it after her, _The Rachel_.

However, when he had seen Rachel entering Central Perk after cutting her hair, Ross had blushed for the first time in a while. Back then, she was concentrated on her crush for Tag, so she had probably decided to change her looks to try and charm her young assistant.

He couldn't help it, though. To his eyes, Rachel had never looked so pleasant and carefree; she was visibly glowing.

Ross was never jealous of Tag while Rachel went out with him; he knew that their relationship wouldn't last. It was clearly a fling with no future, like the one he'd engaged with Elizabeth. She was too young for Ross, just as Tag was too young for Rachel.

Yet, whenever he saw his former girlfriend with that short hair, he was hurt by the mere thought that it was another man the one allowed to tell her how good she looked.

To such an extent that he _did_ feel a little pang of jealousy.

For the second time that morning, Ross observed her sleeping form, thinking that she was the most beautiful woman he had ever seen.

The realization struck him.

They had slept together. For real.

And God, he had missed her.

He had never hoped to have another chance to be with Rachel after the whole Montauk epic fail and the way it had ended – _We were on a break!_

Ross narrowed his eyes thoughtfully; that had been the last time they had made love. The last magic moment of intimacy shared with the woman of his dreams.

'_Until now'_, he thought, flashing an amused grin in her direction.

So what would happen now?

Ross knew that he still had feelings for Rachel, deep feelings.

But was he still _in love_ with her?

He was trying to figure this out, when said woman began to move and rubbed her eyes.

Unlike Ross, Rachel immediately shifted her arm behind her back, looking for something. Ross stared at her movements with a wavering smile, wondering what she was up to. Then he followed Rachel's hand as it finally found its target.

She was looking for _his_ hand.

He felt their fingers intertwining and the sudden need to focus his eyes back on Rachel's face. A big grin had appeared on her lips as soon as she had realized that he was still there.

For just a split second, Ross feared that she might be thinking that someone else was there, but then he remembered what she always did when they were still a couple.

Since Rachel had found out about his _Hug and Roll_ strategy, after a long fight (_'I need the room!' - 'Then get one for yourself!'_) followed by a wonderful session of makeup sex, they had stopped being _cuddly sleepers_.

Thus whenever they spent the night together, the first thing Rachel did when she woke up in the morning was looking for Ross's hand, almost as if she was reassuring herself of his presence.

That was one of the memories of their intimate time together he cherished the most.

He guiltily wondered whether she did this with other men, too.

"No." came Rachel's groggy reply.

"What?" Ross inquired tenderly.

Rachel finally opened her eyes, still smiling. "If you were wondering, the answer is no. This is our thing."

'_So what, now she can even read my mind?'_ Ross thought.

His eyes roamed over the masterpiece that was her face, so filled with love that he almost could not breathe.

He shook his head slowly, huffing in exasperation.

'_Who am I kidding? Of course I'm still in love with her.'_

Rachel's eyes were still fixated on his. Ross wondered if she felt as concerned as he was.

The expression on her face was unequivocal.

The feelings were all there to see, for both of them. But were they ready to start things up again? And most importantly, did Rachel want to?

Ross knew he couldn't push her, and he didn't want to rush into anything. He wouldn't be the one to ask, he was sure he couldn't survive another rejection.

And they had so much to think about, Monica and Chandler's wedding was in just over a month. It wasn't the moment to come out with such a huge news. Monica would kill them; she would think that they were trying to _steal her thunder_. Again.

Rachel sighed in exasperation, "We are the biggest basket case on Earth, you know that?"

Ross chuckled gleefully, "I agree with you completely. I'm pretty sure this might be one of the few things we will always agree about."

Rachel chuckled along with him, "Oh, Boy." She whispered, internalizing the magnitude of what had happened the night before. "What do we do about…this?"

Ross knew that he had to be realistic, maybe a bit cynical. "Well, if I recall correctly, when Chandler and Monica got engaged we both admitted that sleeping together one last time would be great."

"Yeah." Rachel urged him to go on.

"So…it looks like we eventually succumb to our mutual desire."

Rachel's lips curved into a grin, "What a hell of a bonus night!" she cheerfully exclaimed.

It was Ross's turn to laugh along, "Yeah, it was incredible."

Rachel noticed that they both had not moved from their previous position, their hands still clasped together.

Her mind was full of running thoughts.

What she really wanted was to confess her real feelings.

She had missed Ross terribly.

Sleeping together wasn't just a bonus night, because every time they had sex always meant _something_.

She was sure that she still had feelings for him, even if she couldn't figure them out herself.

The truth was that it didn't matter whom she was with (Joshua, Danny, Paul, Tag); Ross was the only man whose presence was constant in her mind.

Sure, there were times when she could turn off that (immeasurable) portion of her brain that belonged to Ross and she could go on with her life. Like when she had decided to sign the divorce papers even if Ross had evidently admitted that he was still in love with her.

Or like when she had tried to act blasé after Ross's speech declaring that he still harbored hopes for them to be together and that was the reason why he had rejected Jill's advance.

'_So why couldn't I do it yesterday?'_ she asked herself.

Maybe because she was tired of being rational and she had felt the need to follow her instinct, just for once.

But was that the right moment to express all these thoughts out loud?

Ross wasn't saying anything, was she even sure that he wanted to get involved with her, again?

"If Joey keeps up with his dating schedule, he'll probably be here soon with breakfast." He said quietly.

"Assuming that his night went well." Rachel interjected.

Ross grinned slyly, "Have you seen him since yesterday night?"

"Point made." She nodded in agreement. "Maybe you…you should go."

Ross nodded in agreement and sat in the bed, reluctantly letting Rachel's hand go.

"I mean…" Rachel was looking for a way to broach the subject, "If the guys found out about this…they might get the wrong idea about us. And we don't want to go down that road again, right?"

Rachel's blue eyes were full of hope, but she was trying to conceal her inner turmoil. Little did she know that Ross was feeling just like her.

"We've already been in that place, being together was tough" he was lying and he knew it, "And, we don't want to start things up again, I mean…do you?"

They shook their heads faster than a normal situation would require, both gasping and internalizing the fact that neither of them had in fact answered the question.

Ross knew Rachel very well; she wasn't convinced of what she was saying, but until he found out the truth, he wouldn't put pressure on her.

Rachel wasn't ready to see him go. Not if she didn't confess at least one thing to him.

"Listen, Ross…You have to know this." She said quietly. "This wasn't just a bonus night for me. When I'm with you…"

As Rachel tried to find the right words, Ross stared at her with devotion.

"Well, it's always important, I mean…You know. It's us." She smiled, waving her finger between them to emphasize what she was saying.

Ross nodded in agreement, "I know. And I feel the same." he admitted. "Regrets?"

She smiled reassuringly, "Never."

"Good. Because I have no regrets either. In fact, I think this may be the coolest thing that happened to me this year. Or at least in the last six months."

Ross caught Rachel's questioning expression. She obviously didn't know about his sex _abstinence_. She wiggled her eyebrows at Ross, with an authentic and lovely expression that gave him some strength to talk honestly.

"Rach…"

"What?" she asked, hopeful.

Ross pondered the possibility to tell her the truth, but he opted for something much less dangerous. He huffed to himself, and then he said tenderly, "You look stunning with this haircut."

Rachel had expected a very different statement, but as soon as she heard Ross compliment her, she blushed flagrantly.

She knew that it was silly to blush after the night of amazing sex they just had. She couldn't help it, though.

"Ross..."

"I'm sorry, Rach, I had to tell you. I've wanted to tell you for months, and now I finally have the chance to say this. You are gorgeous. It's one of the reasons I'll keep this night in my heart forever."

If Rachel had not succumbed to Ross's words before, she eventually did then.

This was another demonstration of why she still had feelings for him: he was the sweetest man when it came to tell her how great and beautiful she was. Ross may sound too cheesy at times, but when he said those kind of things, he _meant_ them.

His words always came from his heart, not from his mind. He wasn't trying to score, to reach third base. Ross and Rachel had already slept together; he was saying this _after_.

"Ok, I think I'm really going to take off, now."

"Ok. See you later, down at the coffeehouse?" Rachel was not eager to face the day without him, but she didn't want to show. "We can ask Joey about his date." She suggested with a delighted grin on her face.

Ross chortled along with her, "Ok. So…this is going to be our secret?"

Rachel was convinced at least of that, "Well, it's the right thing to do. I don't want to spoil their expectations only to let them down. Can you imagine Phoebe's reaction if she knew?"

Ross shook his head, smiling, "She's always been our number one fan."

"Yeah…A _Lobsters_ supporter." Rachel recalled the nickname their crazy friend had given to them when they first got together.

This time Ross shook his head in disbelief and yearning, "God, it feels like a lifetime ago."

Rachel nodded with sadness, "Yeah."

That was the moment when their eyes met again.

Ross fought an internal battle with himself, but this time logic and rationality lost.

Following his instinct, he bent towards Rachel and surrendered to his instinct, capturing her lips in his own and closing the space that separated them.

His hands came up to rest possessively on her cheeks, then Rachel felt them running through her short strands. Startled a bit by his sudden decision to kiss her, she let herself go anyway. She positioned her hands on his hips automatically, in a gesture that felt, oh – so familiar.

The last time they had kissed with such passion, they were outside under a starry sky, rolled up in the scent of the sea that enticed their senses. Back then, they had been interrupted by their friends.

This time, they could enjoy the feeling and the taste of each other. And since the night before, Rachel had made a very important discovery: Ross's kisses never got old; instead, they only got better.

She felt a swirl of emotions twisting within her, but above all, she experienced the painful awareness that this moment would be over soon.

When his lips eventually left hers, Rachel felt bereft.

They both wheezed fast, trying to catch their breath.

"I'm sorry." Ross managed to say, somehow hesitantly. "My head was yelling _'No'_, but knowing that this might be the last time I have the chance to do this…I just couldn't resist."

Rachel didn't need his apologies.

She knew too well what Ross was trying to say, because that was how she felt too.

"I know. It's okay." She smiled reassuringly, again.

Ross nodded and stood up from the bed. Fortunately, he wasn't completely naked because to some point during the night, when they were stumbling towards Rachel's bedroom, he had put on his underwear.

"Geez, where are my clothes?" he wondered in a high-pitched tone, making Rachel stifle a laugh.

She smiled in contentment, and then she turned over and closed her eyes, ready to go back to sleep.

In the meantime, Ross put on his pants; he walked into the living room, frantically looking for his sweater, but he couldn't see it anywhere. He eventually gave up, intending to ask Rachel later.

He had no idea that Joey would be the one to find it, stuck under the couch.

And he couldn't imagine that he would not see that red sweater _for like a month_…


	8. Twenty Days

**Episode: The One With the Kips (5x05)**

* * *

"Hi." Ross said, woefully.

"Hi." Rachel coughed to clear her voice, feigned disdain evident in her voice. "What are you doing here? Isn't this against the rules?"

Ross ignored her tone, eager to discuss their issue. "I talked to Monica".

Rachel instantly knew that her best friend had certainly revealed to her brother how abandoned she truly felt.

"Look, I'm the one who made the choice. I'm the one who's making things change, so I should be the one to y'know, step back."

"Oh, Ross…" she made an attempt to interrupt him, knowing that Ross would do anything to make her feel better, but he was seeing things the wrong way.

"No, no, it's okay. Really. There are plenty of people who just see their sisters at Thanksgiving and just see their college roommates at reunions and just see Joey at…Burger King."

Rachel looked at him hard, her arms still crossed and a determinate expression on her face.

"So is…is that better?" he asked her, hoping that this would solve their previous argument.

Rachel smiled sadly, "No, it's not better." She stated, her voice draped to little more than a whisper as she went on. "I still don't get to see _you_."

Ross knew exactly what she meant; because that was the way he had been feeling since he had accepted Emily's ridiculous condition to come back to New York.

"Well, what-what would you do? Rach, if you were me, what-what would you do?" he inquired tenderly, but hoping to receive a real advice as an answer.

Rachel thought about it for a couple of seconds, and then she sighed. "Well." She wanted to say something reasonable, but all she could think about was, "For starters I would've said the right name at my wedding!"

Ross's miserable expression turned into a tentative smile as he chuckled somberly for her joke.

Rachel giggled softly, happy that she had managed to ease the tension.

It was Ross's turn to whisper, "I can't believe this is happening."

Rachel didn't know what to say, so she replied with a laconic, "I know."

"I am so sorry." Ross looked sincerely unhappy, and Rachel knew that he really meant to apologize for what was happening.

"I know that too." She reassured him, her eyes softening.

Rachel knew that words were not enough, so she took his right hand in hers, squeezing it tightly. Ross's eyes flickered at their clasping hands, then he focused back to her face.

They both didn't hear Joey entering, Rachel almost didn't see him approaching.

They were enveloped in their own little bubble, in which they could feel safe together, maybe for the last time.

Joey knew that he was probably being intrusive, so he cleared his throat to get their attention, "Hey, Rach? Sorry to interrupt but uhm, Phoebe said you wanna talk to me about a trip or something."

Ross was confused at least as much as Joey, so he looked at Rachel, who nodded in comprehension, suddenly remembering her former surreal chat with Phoebe.

"Well, it was…It was nothing, Joey, really." Rachel explained, making a mental note to talk to Phoebe about this.

"Oh…ok…" Joey stated quietly. Then he realized that Ross and Rachel probably needed some time alone, so he excused himself. "Sorry for the interruption, uhm…See ya later upstairs."

"Ok." Rachel murmured.

"Thanks, Joe." Ross watched his friend as he discretely walked away.

After he was sure that Joey was gone, he turned his attention back to Rachel.

"So…we are good?" he asked her.

Rachel smiled as much as the circumstance allowed her. "Yeah. For what it's worth, we are okay. I just need to…" she sighed. "…come to terms with the fact that I won't be able to see you ever again, once Emily comes."

When he heard Rachel saying this, Ross realized that he wasn't ready to accept the truth yet, "Well…maybe her request isn't that restrictive, you know? After all –"

"Ross." Rachel interjected him. "You promised her that we won't see each other anymore. I don't think there's a way to elude her _request_, as you call it."

Ross felt defeated, again, "But…she won't be able to know where I am all the time…"

Rachel thought about this prospect.

Appealing.

She was already picturing moments of euphoria, like secret encounters, dinners spent in hiding in some restaurant of the Village. They would be pleased just to be with each other; they would laugh of good old times…

Then she shook her head; she knew that such an intent was impossible to carry on.

"No, Ross. This is a big deal; you can't ignore it. It would mean the end of your marriage, and the last thing I want is to be the cause of your second divorce."

"If my marriage ends, it will be because this idiot said another woman's name at the altar." Ross stated bluntly.

Rachel flashed an amused grin at him, "Yeah…" she sighed. "Ross, the truth is that we must accept this thing. When Emily comes...well, you know…it's over."

Ross had a terrible epiphany as he finally internalized what Rachel was saying.

Rachel would disappear from his life. _Forever_. This was getting _real_.

"Rach…how can we deal with this?" The situation was driving Ross mad. "How can I see the guys without meeting you? I mean, I'm going to visit my sister and start knocking? And what about you? You will run to your bedroom as if you were grounded, pretending not to be there?"

Rachel shook her head, "I don't know, Ross. I don't know what we are going to do. Maybe the guys will come visit you."

Ross scoffed, knowing that the gang preferred spending their spare time at Monica's or here at the coffeehouse.

"Things won't be easy, will they?" he wondered. "You were right; my life will change drastically. I also have this terrible feeling that I will get here less and less often. Gunther won't even remember my name."

Rachel chuckled sadly, fearing that Ross might be right.

"But Rach…it's not the guys, or Monica, or this place…what really scares me is not being able to be with _you_."

Rachel stared at him wretchedly, "Why?" she asked hesitantly.

"Well…because…I love you, I mean…" Ross sighed, trying to express with words what he was feeling. "You are one of my best friends. I can't imagine my life without you."

Rachel realized that she had already witnessed Ross saying something like that.

He had just used the same words that a very devastated boyfriend had confessed one night of a few years before, begging her to forgive him for his terrible mistake.

It felt like a pang in her chest.

Back then, even if their relationship was over, Ross and Rachel were still in each other's lives. The love was still there, hidden behind a mask of rage.

Rachel had never feared to lose Ross, however complicated and toxic their relationship was.

Even if those were the same words, this was a completely different situation; she was pervaded by the awful necessity to accept that they _would_ indeed lose each other.

Rachel shook her head; tears began to trail silently down the sides of her face as Ross stared forlornly at her.

"What?" Ross questioned her.

"You can't say these things and…" she sobbed.

"Why not?" he asked with concern.

"Because…it's not been that long since I was sitting on this couch, admitting that I was still in love with you!" she said sternly, between the tears. "And I'm trying, God, I'm trying hard to forget that moment, Ross!"

He was bothered, too. "Well, and I'm trying to forget that you ever told me, Rach, because this makes things damn harder!"

Rachel wiped away the tears, scoffing.

"It's hard living in the know, Rach!" he grumped.

"Oh, yeah? Is it hard for YOU?" she glared at him.

Ross sighed, remembering the fight they had the previous day. He didn't want to argue with Rachel again.

"I keep wondering why in hell did I tell you. Looking back, I should have kept my mouth shut, Monica was right."

Ross calmed down, "No, Rach…" he said, with a softer tone. "You did the right thing."

She looked warily at him.

"I know we never talked about it, but…I'm really glad you told me. That…that would have been a heavy burden, too much to take, even for a strong person like you."

Rachel nodded, thinking of how she was feeling before confessing the truth to Ross.

"By the way…the conversation we had put a slightly different color on your trip to London. I kept wondering why you came; now I know."

"What do you mean?" she asked cautiously.

"Don't play dumb on me, Rach. You told me that you were still in love with me. That's why you came to London. You wanted to tell me, didn't you?"

Rachel was caught off guard; she had never wanted Ross to know the real purpose of her appearance at his wedding. But then, when it came to their crazy relationship, everything she ever did had an ulterior motive. She just hoped this topic would never come up.

Ross smiled slyly at her, "You thought I would never figure it out?"

"Maybe I just hoped." She quipped, provoking a little chuckle from Ross's part.

She sighed. "I wanted to tell you, Ross, even if everybody suggested not to. If Phoebe hadn't been _that_ pregnant, she would have run after me to prevent me from leaving."

Ross let her talk, smiling as he pictured the image of Phoebe and her huge belly chasing Rachel.

"Nobody wanted me to tell you, but I couldn't let you get married without knowing."

Ross had at least a hundred questions ready for her, but he began with the most obvious, asking bluntly, "Why?"

"I don't know…maybe I was expecting a miracle. I hoped that you still felt something for me, that you would…choose me."

Ross gazed at her in shock.

"Yeah…I reckon I probably wished that you would leave Emily at the altar, like I did with Barry."

"When you ran, you had no alternative." He stated pointedly.

"I know." She admitted. "But as soon as I realized that I didn't love him, I found the courage to run and avoid ruining my life. Just in time. Maybe I thought that you would do the same." Rachel scoffed. "Clearly, I was hoping for the impossible."

Ross pondered his friend words almost solemnly. He recalled Rachel's flight from her wedding. The same day she had come back into his life, appearing in that very place, dressed up as the cutest bride he'd ever seen.

Then he thought about the second he had seen Emily walking down the aisle. He tried to remember the exact feelings he had experienced.

And then it came back to him.

While Emily was moving towards him, he was picturing another woman in his mind. There were images of another bride, memories of a September day of a few years ago.

Memories of Rachel returning into his life with nothing with her but that wedding gown.

That was the reason why he had said the wrong name.

It hadn't been a simple lapse.

He had said Rachel's name because he was _thinking_ about her.

It wasn't true what he'd been claiming since then, that it didn't mean anything.

And even if he wanted to, he knew that he couldn't confess this, not now.

He still cared for Rachel. Maybe his feelings were as deep as before.

But he had made a commitment to Emily; he probably loved her, in some way, even if he wasn't sure anymore. And she had been making lots of compromises. She had wanted to move to New York since the beginning, and how was he repaying her? By saying the wrong name at the altar? What kind of man was he?

He owed it to Emily, he needed to give their marriage a shot.

What he had told Rachel before was true, he had to make this marriage work, if he didn't want to get divorced the second time before his 30s.

As much as he disliked the idea of losing Rachel.

And now he couldn't help think about what would have happened, had she told him the truth back in London.

"Do you regret not telling me before the wedding?"

Rachel shook her head vigorously, "No, Ross…if I could turn back time, I probably wouldn't get to London at all. If I hadn't taken that stupid flight, all of this wouldn't have happened and now we shouldn't have to say goodbye."

Ross soothed her, "Don't blame yourself for that, Rach. It's only my fault, I made a stupid mistake, we've been over this. But I keep wondering…"

"What?" she asked cautiously.

Ross looked at her guiltily, "**If** you had told me…What would have I done?"

Rachel ran her hands through her long hair, trying to ignore the fact that Ross, just like her, was asking himself the very same question that she had been tormented by since getting back from London.

"I guess I'll never stop wondering for the rest of my life." Ross commented, mostly to himself than to Rachel.

Rachel couldn't stand it anymore, "I think you really should, Ross. At least in twenty days from now. Because when Emily arrives, you won't be allowed to have doubts anymore. The only thing you'll have to remember is that she is your wife. That's the only truth you must stick to, from now on."

Ross nodded, well conscious of the fact that Rachel was right.

Even if she was trying to hold her tears, Rachel looked better than she actually felt.

Before this afternoon, she could hate herself for being so stupid to decide to fly to London even if Ross was getting married. But now, the whole situation had gotten even worse.

Rachel still knew how to read Ross's expressions, every little gestures, even his sighs and silences.

And after this conversation, she had just found out that he probably still had feelings for her. But they had reached the point of no return. There was no going back, now.

At this realization, she felt crushed.

She kept talking, mostly to convince herself. "And besides…which person would spoil the most important day of her best friend's life?"

Ross felt a lump in his throat as soon as he heard those words, "Yeah? I am, still? In spite of what happened between us?"

Rachel smiled sadly at him, "Of course, you are. You'll always be. Well, a very different friend than Joey and Chandler, you know, I never slept with them."

Ross tried to chuckle at her attempt of a joke.

"A friend I always quarrel with like cats and dogs. A friend with whom I'll always argue whether we were on a break."

Ross's laugh at this came out more nervous than he had thought. He couldn't believe how futile that whole break issue had just got.

Rachel kept listing her thoughts, grabbing Ross's hand in hers. "A friend with whom I share the most beautiful memories of when we were more than friends. Because that was the best year of my life…"

Rachel's tears started streaming on her face like a flood, and Ross squeezed her hand tight, not knowing what to do or say. He felt a teardrop trailing silently down the side of his face as he watched Rachel sobbing in front of himself.

"Rach…" his lip quivered.

He'd never wanted to hurt her, not then, not now.

"At least for the next 20 days." She managed to say, her voice broken for all that crying.

She let go of Ross's hand and she stood up, running away from the only man she'd ever truly loved.

Ross didn't move, he just felt her fingers slipping away from his tight held.

"Rachel…" he wanted to yell, but his voice was just a whisper, he was too shaken.

Rachel walked home with her vision blurry with tears, knowing that Monica would be there and she could let herself go with her best friend.

Ross collapsed on the orange couch, wiping away the tears he had been crying.

After the horrible break up with Rachel, he had promised to himself that he would never cry again for any other woman.

But this wasn't _any other woman_.

This was still Rachel.

And in 20 days, he would lose her.

For the first time in his life, Ross was unaware of what the future would have in store for him. What he did know was that, whatever was on his way, he wasn't sure he would like it.

Yes, he would try and give a chance to his marriage.

But this meant that he was going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to him.

* * *

**I am obsessed with what caused Ross to say Rachel's name at the altar.**

**You'll find this kind of insights in many of my fan fictions.**

**Hope you enjoyed reading, I really felt for them while writing this :(**


	9. How Well You Know Me

**Episodes: Somewhere between The One With Phoebe's Wedding (10x12) and The One Where Joey Speaks French (10x13)**

* * *

"Hey guys!"

"Hey Ross." Monica smiled happily the second she saw her brother with her niece.

"Hi Sweetie!" Rachel immediately stood up from her spot on the couch, greeting her daughter with a lovely smile on her face.

"Hello to you to, Mommy. We missed you at the playground today." Ross voiced Emma's possible thoughts.

Chandler waited for the fussing to stop, then he intervened, "What are you guys doing tonight?"

"There's a documentary about the life of Howard Hughes that I really wanted to watch, so I guess I'm staying home, considering that I have the evening for myself." Ross explained, still holding Emma's tiny fingers in his hands.

Chandler quipped, "Stodgy." With a loud cough.

After noticing Ross glaring at him, Monica smiled at her husband and Rachel chuckled, entertained by Chandler's joke.

"As much as I lo-ooove this idea, we were planning to go to _The Small Jazz Club_." Chandler proposed.

"Who's playing?" Ross asked.

"There's no live music tonight, but I thought we could go out for a drink, since it's just the four of us." Chandler clarified.

Phoebe was still on her honeymoon and Joey was at his family house for the monthly dinner with his parents and sisters.

"I'd love to, but I have Emma tonight." Came Rachel's response.

"Well, I could drop Emma off at my Mom's" Ross suggested, touching Rachel's arm to get her attention. "She could stay overnight, so that you can come with us."

"That would be so sweet, thank you, Ross!"

Rachel's smile was so contagious that Ross chuckled in response. The two of them didn't notice that Monica and Chandler were exchanging a knowing glance.

Ross took Emma in his lap, "So, Sweetie, would you like to go and visit Grandma Judy, uh?"

To the sound of her grandmother's name, Emma emitted an adorable giggle.

Ross chuckled along with his daughter, "Looks like we all agree about the accommodation."

Rachel caressed her daughter's cheeks, "Ok, then I'm going to get ready."

"See you later, say…8.30?" Chandler arranged their meeting.

"Ok." Rachel walked towards the door with Ross and Emma in tow.

"I'll see you right there after I get back from Mom and Dad's." Ross informed.

"Later." Monica waved goodbye.

She waited a couple of minutes to be sure that Ross and Rachel had indeed left, then she addressed herself to Chandler.

"Have you noticed the chemistry between them, lately?"

"Who? Ross and Rachel? What's new?" Chandler sneered.

Monica shrugged, "Well, you know, after the whole Joey thing…I thought they wouldn't get along anymore, but it looks to me that they are even cozier than before!"

Chandler nodded in agreement, "Maybe, yeah."

"I should talk with Rachel. Maybe she wants to go back and live with Ross!" Monica yelled.

Chandler shook his head, "You know, after walking around half the city with Ross trying to get back at Rachel, searching for women to flirt with – extremely badly, I must say…I don't think the idea of the umpteenth fiasco between them is so tempting."

Monica shook her head slowly, "Perhaps you're right, but…I don't know, don't you feel this fresh wind blowing? I want to know what it is. You think you can find a moment to get away with Ross, later, so that I can speak with Rachel alone?"

Chandler wiggled his eyebrows at her, "Yeah, I can figure something out."

"Thank you, honey."

"Ok, but please, promise me you won't start meddling again."

"Do I look like a meddler to you?" Monica whined.

"Phoebe and Mike got married because YOU called and order him to get to Barbados!" Chandler scolded his wife.

Monica just opened her mouth, caught in the act.

* * *

Rachel, Chandler and Monica already had a seat when Ross joined them at the club.

"Hey! Was it so much traffic?" Rachel wondered, welcoming Ross's arrival with a beaming smile on her face.

"No, no…It was Emma, she didn't want to let me go, she kept calling me back." Ross spelled out.

"Can you blame her for loving her fantastic daddy so much?" Rachel asked rhetorically.

When Ross smiled shyly at her, Monica and Chandler exchanged another knowing look. Chandler realized that maybe Monica had a point.

"So, Ross, let's go and order."

Monica secretly smiled to herself, and then she waited for Ross and Chandler to reach the counter.

"So, Rach. It's been a while since we've spent some time you and me, uh?" Rachel nodded with a tender smile. "How's life going since – well, after you broke up with Joey? We never really talked about it."

Rachel just shrugged, "Yeah, because there was nothing to really talk about, honey." She explained. "You already know what happened."

"Are you sure you're completely over him?" Monica questioned her.

"Absolutely." Rachel nodded vigorously. "It was stupid to start things up with Joey; we are too good as friends to go down that road. And he thinks so too."

"I'm glad that you're fine about that. But…to be honest, that's not what I wanted to talk about. Lately I've noticed that you have kind of a…connection…with my brother – again."

Rachel was caught by surprise by her friend's statement, but she didn't feel like denying what Monica was saying. And Monica, for her part, knew her best friend pretty well. When Rachel didn't answer, Monica smirked smugly.

"Come on, Rach. We've lived together for six years, I've known you for like, two decades. I can still read your verbal language and demeanor."

Rachel didn't want to concede anything, "Well, just so you know, after that whole Tribbiani failure, having feelings for Ross is the last thing I want. I don't think this is the time to even think about it. And come on, you know very well that we've closed that door definitively."

"So you have no more feelings for my brother?"

"No." Rachel confirmed.

"Not even if he proposed to move back in with him?"

"No, what are you talking about?" Rachel almost shout.

"You're saying that you didn't make a sigh of relief when he broke up with Charlie?"

"No-ooo." Rachel betrayed herself.

Monica chuckled for her quick answer, Rachel simpered back at her. With her fast questions, Monica had gotten the response she was waiting for.

Of course, Rachel had always been jealous of Ross's girlfriends, even if they were not together. And this meant that she still had lingering feelings for him.

"Mon, I don't like it when Ross dates other women, and you know it. But this time, I thought that Charlie might be the one for him, I was genuinely happy for him."

Monica looked at her in astonishment, "Wow. You've grown. So you had no crazy thoughts about Charlie's hair? No desire to boycott her, at all?"

Rachel laughed heartily, "Well, I might have passed that phase just a tiny little, especially after my break-up with Joey." Monica laughed. "But the truth is, I don't know what I could find from Ross's part, you know? I'm afraid it's just past. End of discussion."

Monica couldn't believe her ears. Had Rachel really abandoned the idea of ever getting back together with Ross?

Rachel sighed, "I just hope that our relationship continues like that, because you're right, we're in tune with each other, we get along very well. And of course, Emma is affected positively by our mature behavior."

Monica nodded in agreement with her, even if she wasn't completely convinced by Rachel's words.

§

"So, Ross, are you going to tell me what's up with you and Rachel?"

"What do you mean?" Ross asked his friend.

"You know, the sweet talking, and the lovey-dovey…" Chandler prodded him.

"Lovey-dovey?!" Ross said harshly.

"You offering to go and drop Emma at your mom's…"

"You're way off track, Chan."

"And then Rachel saying that you're a fantastic daddy…"

Ross shrugged, "That's just something you say."

"And the way she smiled when you got here?"

Ross abandoned his previous attitude and tittered, "She smiled, didn't she?"

Chandler chortled along, "Let me get this straight, it's seven years ago or I imagine things?"

Ross shook his head, "Honestly, I don't know. We get along very well, lately. And I'm glad, especially after that huge fight we had over that – that Gavin guy."

"And Joey." Chandler went further.

"You know, when Joey and Rachel came to my house that night –"

"You mean the _Chicago_ night?"

Ross glared at his best friend. "I can't believe Joey told you!"

Chandler smirked and urged Ross to keep talking.

"Well, anyway, I thought it was over. That's why I tried to give a chance to me and Charlie…I wanted to accept Joey and Rachel together so much, I mean, Joey is my best friend."

This time, Chandler glared suspiciously at Ross.

"Present company excluded."

"Seems fair." He smiled, reassured.

Ross turned around to look at the girls, noticing that Rachel and Monica were laughing at something. He sighed heavily, "I was letting her go, Chandler. If she must end up with somebody else, who better than Joey, I thought. And then, when I found out how they immediately broke up…I was…"

"Relieved?" Chandler inquired with gentle concern.

"Yes. Am I to blame?"

"Did you tell Rachel?"

"No, I was still with Charlie back then. We kind of have a short conversation about it, but I didn't want to get too much into it."

"You think that she decided to end things with Joey because of you?"

Ross was a little taken aback by this possibility, "God, I hope not. I'd hate being the reason of her unhappiness. Both of them told me that it was their decision, that I had nothing to do with it."

Chandler nodded in agreement, "I had the same feeling. But if you want a little tip, even from the man who can't give advice, talk with Rachel about this. I mean, you're getting along so well, it seems just logical to clarify things."

Ross patted him on his back, "I will think about it."

§

Rachel and Monica welcomed Ross and Chandler with pleased smiles when they came back with the cocktails.

"What did you get?" Rachel inquired gently.

"Margarita for both of us, of course." Ross returned, simply stating a fact.

"Are you sure? After what happened the last time…"

Ross gave a half smile, "This time we have our own glass already filled."

Rachel chuckled at the memory of Ross's Mexican dinner during that embarrassing double date with Joey and Charlie. He had drunk two batches of Margaritas on his own.

Monica and Chandler were spectators of this funny banter until they heard the voice of a man speaking into a microphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the _How Well You Know Me_ night for couples!"

The four of them exchanged questioning looks.

"The couple who wins gets a free dinner over the next week, so…Partner up and play!"

Monica's smile widened the second she heard the host talking about winning something.

"Let's play!" she begged Chandler.

"Honey, we have company!" he nodded in Ross and Rachel's direction.

Monica had an epiphany, "They can play, too!"

"Monica!" Rachel scolded her.

"I know, I know, you're not a couple now, but you've been for a whole year, and you know each other enough to face the game! It's gonna be fun!" she tried and convince them.

Rachel glanced tentatively at Ross.

"What?" he asked.

Rachel shrugged, "If it's ok for you, then we can play. It could be fun, you know, beating these two." she nodded in Monica and Chandler's direction.

Monica glared at her friend, "Are you challenging me, Green? No couple in the whole world works better than me and Chandler!"

She knew that Ross and Rachel would think that her usual competitive self was speaking, but all she wanted to do was tickling Ross's sense of rivalry.

"Oh yeah?" Ross interjected. "Well, then Rachel and I will play. And if we beat you, you must admit that Rachel and I know each other better than you know your husband!"

Chandler watched the exchange without saying a word, noticing that Monica was thinking this through.

"Oh…" she pretended to be scared. "Deal!"

Chandler hit his head with his own hand, "Mon – "

His wife silenced him with a nod, and he understood that Monica was up to something. Probably something to do with Ross and Rachel.

"Ok, raise your hand if you're playing, please." The host announced.

Monica and Rachel did as they were asked.

"Now, men and women must split up. So please, men, come this way."

While a multitude of guys stood up following the host instructions, a girl that was probably in her twenties began to walk around the tables to hand over a paper to the people who had raised their hands.

"My assistant Lindsay will give a list of 50 questions to all the participants. You'll find questions about yourself, your partner, or even your relationship. You must answer all these questions and give your forms back to her. During the game we will draw 30 random questions from this list; you'll be invited to write your answer on these white boards with a marker. Single questions about your partner will get you one point, questions about the couple will be worth two points, since you must both answer."

"Oh my god, this is so exciting!" Monica yelled. Rachel laughed at her reaction.

"Two teams with fewer points will be excluded every five questions." The host continued. "The couple with more points after the last question wins."

"Why I have the feeling that this game is going to be the cause of my divorce?" Chandler asked Ross.

His friend laughed in response, "I'll give you my lawyer's number."

* * *

"Ok, the first random question is…" the host put his hand inside a huge box, mixing the little pieces of papers with the questions taken from the form.

"What's your partner favorite drink?" the host read out loud.

All the people in the room wrote their answers on the boards; more than twenty couples were participating.

After giving them thirty seconds, the host instructed them to stop writing. Then, with Lindsay's help, he inquired couple after couple, asking them to turn their boards to read the answers. After showing what they had written, the assistant always checked the answers given in the questionnaires.

Even if the question was relatively easy, a few people in the room gave an incorrect answer. When Chandler and Monica's turn came, the host asked them to turn their boards.

The host read Chandler's answer, "_'Scotch on the rocks, with a twist'_. Lindsay, is that right?"

The assistant nodded.

"What about Monica?" the host asked.

"Chandler's favorite drink is _'Boddington's'_, Dom." She reported.

"Wow, so Monica and Chandler score two points, well done guys!"

Ross and Rachel's turn was as successful as the previous one. They both had written _'Margarita'_ on their boards, and Lindsay confirmed that they were right.

After the last couple was checked, the host drew the second question.

"Wow, this is much more difficult. Double question, 2 points worth. Which is your partner's favorite kiss?"

Monica and Rachel exchanged views about this question.

"I think that Chandler really loves the first time that we kissed after coming back from London." Monica supposed.

§

"I know for sure, Monica's favorite was that time we kissed before I left for Tulsa." Chandler smiled lovingly at the memory.

§

"Ok, I know mine." Rachel sighed. "But it's hard to think about Ross's favorite kiss…we never spoke about it."

"Well, maybe it's that time you kissed at _Central Perk_. I remember how excited you were when you came back that night." Monica tried and help her friend.

Rachel shook her head, not convinced "I don't think so."

§

After being quiet for a while, Ross finally wrote something. Chandler peeked at his friend's board. "Did she tell you that?" he asked Ross.

"No." Ross stated quietly.

"Then how do you know?" Chandler smiled jokingly.

"I just know." Ross commented, even if Chandler was still skeptical.

§

Rachel took the last ten seconds to ponder the question, hard. If she thought about it, it was after the whole prom video thing that they had become a couple. That had been an unexpected kiss, which she had initiated. And Ross was so delighted after she had made up her mind…

She nodded with satisfaction and scribbled her answer fast.

After reading the answers of the first few couples, the host checked Chandler and Monica's, which turned out to be correct.

"And with these two points, you are leading the rank!" the host declared.

Monica winked at Chandler from her spot. He was literally beaming with self-respect.

"Now, Lindsay would you read Ross's answer to us?"

Lindsay looked through Ross's questionnaire and she found his answer, "I don't know what this means, Dom, but he wrote, _'The one she gave me after the Prom Video'_."

"Rachel." Dominic called her. "Would you turn your board?"

Rachel was as red as a jalapeño when her answer was showed.

She had only written two words in capital letters.

'_PROM VIDEO'_

As the people in the room clapped at them and the host wowed with excitement, Ross and Rachel got lost in each other's gaze. Just smirking, without saying anything.

The significance of those two words meant everything to them.

"Let's see if Ross is as good. Lindsay, what was Rachel's favorite kiss?"

"She wrote, _'When we kissed after the fat'_. Ok, this is even weirder than the previous one." Lindsay commented with laughter.

All the people in the room chuckled at that, but Chandler was looking seriously at Ross, already knowing what was written on his board.

Ross turned it slowly, a proud smile already plastered on his face.

'_The one after the fat'._

During the loud applause, the host noticed the longing look that Ross and Rachel were exchanging.

"Well, I think we'd like to know something more about this fat story, seems funny!"

Ross's smile faded a bit, he wanted to avoid getting into detail, "Maybe another time…"

All he could think about was that even if they hadn't been a couple in something like six years, maybe they still _had it_.

"Ross, how did you know?" Chandler questioned him again, too curious to let go.

Ross shrugged with a sweet smile on his face, "I didn't know, I just…felt it."

On the other side of the room, Monica looked at Rachel, "So, you've closed that door definitively? End of discussion?" Monica quoted her previous statements.

Rachel was still too shaken to reply.

"You two never spoke about this, and yet you both guessed. It's not for everyone. All the other couples in this room got it wrong!"

Rachel nodded ruefully, "I know."

"Ok, let's keep the game going!" Dominic announced. "The third question is…_'Your partner's most hated relative'_!"

"Ok, this should be easy." Rachel stated.

As usual, Monica and Chandler guessed their respective answers. She had mentioned Aunt Sylvia, whereas Chandler's response was his cousin Larry's wife, Claire.

Ross and Rachel guessed both answers too. Ross's noticeable hate for his Aunt Millie (who kept kissing him on the lips) made it easy for Rachel to write her answer. And Ross knew that Rachel really disliked her Uncle Frank, Leonard Green's brother.

"How come Ross knew about this Uncle Frank thing? He always looked like an exquisite person to me." Monica questioned Rachel.

"Well…I used to like him a lot, then there was this lunch at my father's, Ross and I were invited, and so was Uncle Frank. He lashed out at Ross the whole time we were there, supporting my father's stupid jokes. I haven't spoken to him since."

Monica's wavering grin became more consistent, "Is that so, uh?"

§

"He's a jerk!" Ross whined.

"Ok, but…who's the man? Rachel never mentioned him."

Ross just shrugged, "Another long story for another time."

Chandler simply nodded.

* * *

After fifteen questions, only seven teams were still competing.

"Ok, so the new rank shows Monica and Chandler in first place, one point ahead of Ross and Rachel."

The four friends exchanged satisfied looks.

"Now, let's move on with another question." The host mixed the remaining papers in his box.

"Wow, I always like this one. Double question, so two points. _'What is the first film you watched together at the cinema?'_"

Rachel looked at Ross, noticing with some nervousness that he was already writing his answer, a soft expression on his face.

Hoping that Ross's answer would be the right one, she smiled too as she wrote, while a very old memory resurfaced.

§§§

"_Mon, come on, I really want to see the movie!"_

"_Rach, I want to go to the cinema too, but my mom and dad aren't home!"_

_Rachel and Monica had already bought tickets to go and watch 'Back to the future', but Judy and Jack hadn't come back from their Bingo night, yet. It was getting late; they were going to miss the movie._

"_Shoot, what are we going to do?" Rachel whined._

"_Uhm, I could go with you."_

_The two girls turned around, noticing a very blushed Ross wearing a ridiculously nerdy Ramones t-shirt._

"_Ross, you'd take us?" Rachel asked her friends's brother, a huge grin appearing on her face._

_If possible, Ross got even redder._

"_Uhm, su – sure. I wanted to watch that movie, in any case." He stammered._

_Rachel approached him and grabbed Ross's arms, "Thank you!" she said, grateful._

"_Ok, fine…" Monica grumped. "You won't sit next to us, will you?" _

_Ross cast her an annoyed look, "No, don't worry."_

_Even if the girls ended up sitting in the penultimate row, with Monica begging Ross to sit as far as he could from them, he couldn't help but think that Rachel Green had smiled at him._

_§§§_

"So, it looks like Ross and Rachel guessed this one, too!" Dominic commented after checking their answers with Lindsay.

"Yep, those two are a humdinger!" the assistant agreed.

"Yes, you must be a very devoted couple."

Ross and Rachel just waited for the game to move on, trying to ignore the pang of regret in their stomachs.

"Ok, Chandler, what did you write?"

Chandler's board content caused Monica to stop smiling.

"What?" she screamed. "_'Life is beautiful'_?!"

"Oh, it looks like we have the first mistake for Chandler and Monica!" the host taunted them.

"Monica, what was your answer?"

Monica turned her board with a scoff, showing her answer: _'The Silence of the Lambs'_.

"Well, this is weird. How come you wrote two movies released in such different moments?" Dominic wondered.

"Well, mine is the first movie we watched together when Chandler moved in to live in the apartment in front of mine." Monica explained.

Chandler closed his eyes, understanding his mistake.

"What about you, Chandler?" the host asked.

"I misinterpreted the question. I thought the first movie we watched together – as a couple."

"We've known each other for long before getting together." Monica explained with a tender smile, forgetting about Chandler's mistake.

The people in the room heartened them with supportive _ahws_.

"My bad, sorry." Chandler stated.

"Well, you are still in second place, one point behind Ross and Rachel. I'm afraid the other teams are a bit further behind, but we only are halfway through the game!" Lindsay said with excitement.

"Ok, sixteenth question." The host announced. "_'Which is your partner's biggest fear or pet peeve?'_"

"Oh, so easy for us." Rachel said to Monica.

After a round of scribblings, the host checked the participant's answers. When the gang's turn came, all of them knew that they would score all the points.

"So, Chandler's biggest fear is… _'Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance'_?"

''Correct." Lindsay checked, making all the people in the room laughing.

"Ok, and Monica's?"

Chandler turned his board, revealing that his wife couldn't stand animals dressed as humans.

"Exactly."

"Well done. What about Ross and Rachel?"

"He hates spiders." Lindsay read through his questionnaire.

Rachel turned her board, feigning a yawn to let the other people in the room understand how easy she had found this question.

Ross chuckled at that, showing his board in response.

'_Fish'_.

"What? Rachel is scared of fish?" the host asked, incredulous.

"Yes, she is!" Lindsay confirmed.

When he noticed that Chandler and Ross were discussing something with lots of laughter, the host intervened, "What's so funny?"

"Well, this was actually one of the categories of a quiz that Ross made up when the three of us were betting to switch our apartments." Chandler explained.

"Who won?" Dominic asked, intrigued.

"I did." Chandler grinned from ear to ear.

"So you're telling us that you people already had a _How well you know me_ quiz?"

Ross shook his head, feeling nostalgic. "It was a long time ago."

* * *

After a while, the four friends were now at first place together again because Ross and Rachel had lost one point for the question _'How old was your partner when he/she had the first kiss?'_.

Rachel was very upset to find out that she had written 17 (Ross was in 12th grade when he made out with the librarian, Mrs. Altman) and Ross, on the contrary, had answered 18 (thinking about his first kiss at college).

Rachel had raised her eyebrows in surprise, narrowing her eyes thoughtfully. When she caught Ross's gaze from the other side of the room, he had an amused look on his face.

"Liar." She had mouthed.

He had just nodded, hissing back, "I know."

"With only 10 questions remaining, we are left with five couples. Chandler and Monica lead the rank together with Ross and Rachel. And the next question is…"

The audience waited for the host to gather the next piece of paper from the box.

"Wow, this is always the ladies' favorite question!" he screamed. "_'If you are married, where did he propose? And if you're not, where do you think he would like to propose?'_"

Monica knew she had a secure point ahead of her when she filled her board with the answer. What surprised her, though, was Rachel's security while she wrote her own.

"Our apartment, too easy." Monica yelled, turning her board.

"Correct." Lindsay smiled.

"Wow, very unique, Chandler!" Dominic taunted him.

Chandler looked bother, "That was romantic as hell!" he defended himself.

"I have no doubt." Dom joked. "Ok, one point for team Monica and Chandler." The host took note. "Now, I'm curious to see Rachel's answer, since we know that she and Ross aren't married."

Ross looked confident, sure that Rachel knew the answer.

§§§

"_That proposal, at the planetarium…"_

"_I know, I know it was stupid." Ross apologized._

"_Are you kidding?!" Rachel interjected. "With the, with the lilies, and-and the song, and the stars! It was…really wonderful! Did you just make that up?"_

"_No, actually I thought about it when, when we were going out. It's how I imagined I uh, I would ask you to marry me." _

_The very familiar sense of regret flooded in at the weight of that revelation._

"_Well, that would've been very hard to say no too." she admitted, emotion evident in her voice._

"_It's a good thing I didn't do it, because it sounds like it would've been a very expensive wedding." Ross joked._

_§§§_

"Why are you smiling?" Chandler asked his friend.

"Because she knows." Ross responded without taking his eyes off from Rachel.

Rachel turned her board around, showing the word she had written.

'_PLANETARIUM'_

Two seconds later, Lindsay read Ross's answer from his paper, "_'Planetarium'_."

This time, Ross and Rachel stared at each other intensely. Realizing that Rachel considered that moment to be important meant the world, to him.

* * *

After the 27th question, only three were missing.

"That's unbelievable, we still have three teams competing for winning. Chandler and Monica at first place, Ross and Rachel one point behind, and Lucille and John at third place three points behind." Dominic looked at Lindsay. "I think this is the funniest match we've had since we've been playing this game, isn't it?"

"Yeah…we usually have one couple who stands out, and the game ends around question 20. But tonight, we have three!"

"Well, let's see how they deal with the last three questions." The host stated. "Ok, question 28, ladies only. _'What's the first thing that comes to your mind when you think about the moment he said I love you for the first time?'_"

After checking the first couple's answer, the host addressed himself to Monica.

"Ok, Monica wrote, _'Turkey on my head'_."

People's reaction ranged from entertained to astonished, they emitted all kinds of laughter and loud noises picturing the scene.

"Well, by now we are used to this couple's craziness. Lindsay, what did Chandler write in his questionnaire?" Dominic consulter his assistant.

"Oh, no. He wrote _'Phoebe's bra'_. Wait, who's Phoebe?" she wondered, shocked.

Chandler was mortified.

"What? Chandler that wasn't the first time you told me _I love you_!" Monica stood up, screaming at her husband.

"I'm sorry honey! I thought about our first real _I love you_!" he explained his choice.

"You suck!" she yelled, sitting again.

Rachel put a hand on her shoulder, patting her on the back with uncertainty.

The host gazed at him in disbelief for Monica's comeback.

"I love her so much." Chandler declared.

"I see." The host conceded. "Ok…let's move on. Lindsay, what was Ross's answer?"

"He wrote _'Scarsdale'_, Dom."

"Rachel? Would you turn your board?"

Rachel indulged his request gently, showing her board.

'_Scarsdale'_

"Wow! This takes Rachel and Ross at first place together with Chandler and Monica! Well done! Lucille, John, I'm sorry but you won't be able to win anymore, so your game is over."

The couple waved goodbye amid cheers from the people in the room, Ross complimented John by shaking hands with him.

"Lindsay, I want to spice this up. Can we see what would have happened if the question had been the other way round?" Dominic asked.

"Ok, Dom!" she chuckled, looking for Rachel's answer.

"Ross, wanna try and guess?" Ross nodded as the host kept talking. "You know; one may assume that the answer should be the same. But often couples exchange _I love you's_ in different moments. Or they have very peculiar memories…So, Ross, what does Rachel thinks when she remembers the first time SHE said _I love you_?"

Ross thought carefully, looking at Rachel with his eyes narrowed.

"That she was holding Ben like a ball." He finally said quietly.

Rachel smiled to herself and Lindsay's face was enlightened by another smile.

"She wrote, _'Holding Ben like a ball'_!" she yelled with excitement. "Ross, you are a genius!"

"And you're great, Rachel!" Dominic reinforced.

"Yes." Ross agreed, nodding slowly. "She is."

Rachel mouthed a soft thank you, grateful for his statement.

"Wow, is it hot in here?" the host asked his audience. "Penultimate question, ladies and gentlemen!"

"Can I pick, Dom?" Lindsay asked.

"Of course, my dear!"

Lindsay's hand rummaged through the box, choosing one piece of paper.

"Wow, they're going to love this one!" she shouted. "Question 29, men only. '_Her most humiliating moment'_!"

"Come on, I could answer that!" Monica blamed Rachel. "Everybody knows that you left Barry at the altar!"

Rachel shook her head, "Uhm…that wasn't my answer."

Monica cast her a surprised look, "This just got interesting!" she said.

§

"So, you're letting these people know that Rachel ran away from her wedding?" Chandler inquired Ross.

"No, no…" Ross put his hand over his mouth. "That wasn't…uh." He struggled to remember. "There was this time that we talked about it, I'm trying to remember…she said…the only thing that tops was…oh, yes!" he snapped his fingers.

§

After the usual thirty seconds, the host addressed himself to Chandler.

"So, Chan. What did you write?"

He turned his board with a guilty expression on his face.

'_When I called her fat'_

Dominic was a bit taken aback, "Lindsay, is it correct?"

The assistant nodded, with a saddened and impressed look.

"You really called her fat?" the host asked.

Chandler, Ross, Rachel and Monica all nodded. And that was the moment that Dominic realized that the knowledge that these four people had about one other was beyond any expectation. And that was the reason why the game was so successful that night.

"I'm afraid I did."

"So, how did he win you over?" Dom asked Monica.

"That was the most humiliating moment of my life, but he also inspired me to resort to drastic measures. I went on a diet and I lost about 150 pounds."

"Wow!" Dominic exhaled.

"Yeah. I owe it to him." Monica smiled reassuringly at Chandler.

Ross stared at his sister, recognizing for the umpteenth time that she and Chandler were just perfect for each other.

"So, Ross. Can you show us your answer?"

'_Singing Copa Cabana in front of the entire school'_

"Ok, this is brand new information!" the host screamed. "Rachel, is that your most humiliating moment?"

Rachel nodded and Lindsay checked her response, "Yes, Dom!" the assistant confirmed.

"Well, okay. At this point, we got to hear you singing, Rachel!"

"No way!" she shook her head vigorously.

Dominic left his podium, "Come on!" he took Rachel by her hand, dragging her towards the center of the room.

Rachel took the microphone from his hands, noticing that Ross was winking at her.

She scoffed.

_Her name was Lola, she was a showgirl_

_With yellow feathers in her hair and a dress cut down to there_

_She would merengue and do the cha-cha_

_And while she tried to be a star_

_Tony always tended bar_

The people in the room were cheering out loud, amused by the scene. Monica wasn't laughing, though, because she remembered the last occasion in which Rachel had done the same thing. A little sigh escaped her lips as she recalled how great a couple her brother and best friend were. She tried not think about being with Richard at that time, so many things have changed in less than eight years.

_Across the crowded floor, they worked from eight til four_

_They were young and they had each other_

_Who could ask for more?_

_At the copa, Copacabana _

_The hottest spot north of Havana _

_At the copa, Copacabana_

_Music and passion were always the fashion_

_At the copa, they fell in love_

Monica wasn't the only one getting misty over that memory. Ross had watery eyes, too. thinking about Barry and Mindy's wedding always made him feel nostalgic and sorry, he couldn't help it. He made eye contact with his sister, who nodded at him empathically.

"Thank you, Rachel!" Dominic shouted. "You were great!" he let her go back sitting next to Monica.

"Ah, this question always gives satisfaction!" he extorted the usual fit of laughter from the audience.

"Ok, back to business, people! We've got one last question, after a long head-to-head with these two teams. And this thirtieth challenge decides winners and losers of this game. Chandler and Monica, or Ross and Rachel. They have the same score at this moment. If both the teams answer the next question correctly, we'll have a bonus round."

The four friends nodded, trying to stay concentrated.

"Ok, the last question of this game is always the same. It's the 50th request in the questionnaire. And you all need to answer to gain two points for your team." Dominic explained.

"'_How many times did your partner fall in love?' _Monica and Chandler, you're first."

Rachel and Monica exchanged a horrified look. That was the question they both secretly dreaded the most.

"Not easy. Uh?" Monica asked. "This is the first time I got to guess because I don't know the answer."

Monica focused on Chandler's former relationship. She was pretty sure that he'd been in love with Kathy, when they dated. But…did Chandler think the same, now?

She sighed heavily and wrote her answer on the board.

"Ok, time's up. Chandler, what did you write?"

Chandler turned his board, showing a huge _'2'_.

Monica smiled and nodded in approbation.

"I assume that's the correct answer, Lindsay?"

"Yes."

Chandler threw his fist in the air, glad that he had guessed.

This hasn't been hard, because he was there to see it. Before they got together, Monica had loved no one but Richard.

"So, Monica?"

Monica was tensed when she turned her board, showing her answer.

"Another _two_!" Dominic announced. "Lindsay is that right?"

Chandler shook his head, scoffing.

"Ops." Lindsay said. "Chandler's answer was _three_, Dom!"

"What? Who were you in love with?" Monica screamed.

"You always forget my first real girlfriend, Mon…" he replied.

"Oh, Janice!" she realized.

Monica always made this mistake. She never considered Janice as one of Chandler's former girlfriends because he hated her, now. But she forgot how much he cared about her, _then_.

"Well, one point could be enough…if either Ross or Rachel don't guess."

"I can't believe I got this wrong!" Monica wailed.

"You should thank Janice! If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't know how to be in a relationship. She provided the groundwork for my growth." Chandler smirked.

Monica was so upset that she emitted an annoying cackle, imitating Janice.

"Oh, my, God!" Chandler mimicked her catchphrase.

They smiled at each other, both fully aware that being more in love than that was almost impossible.

Chandler stood up and went straight to his wife; the game was over, so they could sit together.

"Don't worry, they can't guess. How could they possibly know this? They had so many other people in their life…" Monica reassured Chandler.

"Ok, Ross, Rachel, it's your turn. You have a minute."

Ross was on his own, lost in his thoughts. It wasn't easy to answer, maybe because he didn't actually want to.

He knew that Rachel had a few stupid crushes when she was in high school. He also knew that she never really loved Barry, as much as he refused to believe that she could ever love a lame guy like Paolo.

Making a mental leap, he considered what happened _after them_. Joshua, Paul, Tag…those relationships were far too insignificant to really mean something to Rachel.

And then, finally, Joey.

Had Rachel been in love with Joey? Or was that just attraction, seeing the way that whole story had ended?

He decided to risk everything, because this wasn't a game anymore. He needed to know if he still knew Rachel that well.

Rachel was as confused as Ross, maybe even more. She knew that Ross loved Carol during their marriage, and she really didn't want to think about how much in love with herself he'd been. Over the last years, Ross had been involved in a few relationships. Elizabeth, Mona, Charlie. But Rachel was confident that he never _loved_ those women. The real issue was only one. Emily.

Rachel knew that Ross hadn't had enough time to love Emily as much as he worshipped herself. But she was positive that at some point he fell in love with her.

God, he had to be in love with her, if he asked Emily to get married.

Or at least, that was what she hoped…

"Ok, time's up, guys. Rachel, why don't you start, dear?" Dominic inquired gently.

The tension in the room was so high that all the people were waiting in silence.

Rachel turned her board with a groan.

She had written _'3'_ with trembling hands.

Ross was beaming, he couldn't believe that Rachel knew his answer.

"Unbelievable, that's right!" Lindsay screamed.

"Wow, this is awesome! Monica, Chandler, are you a little scared now?"

Monica was still too stunned to answer. The only thing she could think about was that Ross and Rachel were definitely hiding their knowledge of each other much better than she ever thought possible. She was nervous, and so was Rachel, at this point.

"Lindsay, please, tell us Rachel's answer." Dominic consulted his assistant.

"She wrote, _'Once'_, Dom."

Ross's eyes found Rachel's. He wasn't smiling anymore.

His expression was so serious that Rachel realized that maybe he hadn't guessed.

She was terribly afraid that he didn't know, that he never understood.

But Ross's gravity wasn't dictated by the fact that he had written the wrong answer. He had just a million things running through his mind.

He knew that Rachel was in love with him, back then. There was no doubt about it. She used to tell him when they were together, amazingly she had told him twice _after_ their break-up.

This meant that Rachel had loved anyone but him all time long.

Not even Joey.

"Ross, would you turn your board, for the last time?" Dominic asked him.

It took Ross's eyes a few more moments to let go of Rachel's. He solemnly turned the board, showing that his answer was correct.

'_1'_

The audience simply erupted in screams, they clapped hands. Monica felt a tear forming to the corner of her eyes, and Chandler squeezed her shoulder.

Monica leaned down, touching Rachel's hand to get her attention, "What does that mean?"

Rachel was almost crying, "It's as simple as that, Monica."

Monica caressed her arm tenderly. She really wanted to investigate further, but Rachel was called by Lindsay, who signaled her to stand up.

"This is incredible! Ladies and gentlemen, no couple EVER scored two points in the final question! Ross and Rachel, you are a legend!" Dominic shouted over the noise.

The two of them stood up and joined the host on the podium, trying to avoid each other's gaze. But it was impossible. No person in that room was more touched than Ross and Rachel.

"We've got our winners, people! Thank you all for a wonderful evening!"

Dominic raised Ross and Rachel's arms in the air, while the audience kept clapping at them.

After a little while, they eventually walked back towards their friends.

"It was fun, uh?" Chandler asked.

"Yeah…" Rachel sighed. "A real fun."

"Monica?" Ross flashed a shrewd smile at his sister.

"All right…" she gave up. "You two know each other better than I know my husband!"

"And deal with that." Ross smirked, high-fiving with Rachel.

* * *

"Joey isn't home, yet…" Rachel noticed the second she opened the door.

Ross had walked her back home, "Are you going to be okay on your own?" he wondered.

"Sure…it's just weird being without Emma, uh?" Rachel looked for agreement.

"Yeah…I always miss her when she's not around." Ross admitted.

"Hey, here's a thought. Why don't we go fetch her together tomorrow?" Rachel proposed.

"I'd love that." Ross simpered. "My mom hasn't seen you in a while, she'll be happy, too."

"I know." She giggled, thinking of Judy and how sweet she always was to her.

"Ok, I need to take off, now."

Rachel nodded. She scrutinized Ross as he walked away, wearing that awesome black coat that suited him so well and a cool long multicolored scarf that almost touched the floor. He looked positively handsome, that night.

She tried and bite her tongue, but she couldn't resist, "Ross, wait a minute."

In the end, it was Rachel's tone that stopped him. She was almost begging him.

Ross didn't turn around, but Rachel noticed that he was sighing heavily because his shoulders moved up and down slowly.

Ross knew that they needed to talk. And he wasn't sure he was ready for it.

"Ross, look at me." Rachel requested.

Ross did as he was told.

"How did you do it?" she finally asked, surrendering to her feelings.

"Do what?"

"How can you possibly know all those things – _still_?" she waved her hand in the air, signaling her uneasiness.

Ross's lips turned into a wavering grin, "Because I know you, Rach. The best year of my life was the one we spent together. But…it's not just that." He tried and explain. "I know how much being together meant to both of us."

Rachel nodded, still willing to get a real answer.

"How did you know the last answer?"

"How did you?" Ross replied.

"I asked first." Rachel smirked.

Ross chuckled, "Ok…well…I don't know, I was just remembering all those things you used to say about your former boyfriends when we were together…and then I listed the ones you had after we broke up…I always had this feeling that your relationships never lasted long because you never really fell in love with those men."

Rachel was amazed for the way he really knew her.

"I might have been wrong." Ross conceded. "I took the risk."

"Well played." Rachel smiled. "I don't understand if this makes you the most self-confident jerk in the whole world, or if you read my mind like nobody else can."

Ross nodded with distress, "Believe me, Rach, guessing that answer didn't make me happy."

They looked at each other, nodding in agreement and sorrow.

"And you?" Ross demanded after a while.

"Well…I knew how much you loved Carol, and the matter of 'us' wasn't up for discussion. I just had a few doubts about Emily, but I took the risk too."

Ross wasn't sure that he had heard well, "Excuse-me, Emily?" he asked, bewildered.

"Yes, the third person. Carol, me and Emily." She listed.

Ross's eyes grew wide when he comprehended Rachel's mistake. He laughed, now fully aware of how much wrong she had been.

"What?" she urged him.

"Rach…" his laughter subsided. "I fell in love three times, yes. With you, with Carol…and with you, again."

Rachel didn't understand, "What are you talking about?" she said harshly.

"Rachel, Carol, and Rachel." He counted on his fingers.

Rachel pushed her bangs from her face, "I don't understand."

"The first time I fell in love with you, we were young. That wasn't just a crush. I would have gone to the moon and back for you, Rach. I wanted to take you to your prom. I escorted you and my sister to the cinema when nobody was around…I joined the _I hate Rachel club_…"

"Co-founded." Rachel reminded him.

Rachel thought that she hadn't seen him laugh like that for a long time; she loved the small dimples that appeared in his cheeks when he did so.

"Co-founded, ok…well, I did that because you never returned my feelings. But the second time…"

She waited for him to go on with his speech, hung on every word. Ross shook his head.

"Well, let's say that you entered _Central Perk_, still wearing your wedding gown. You came back into my life in such a sensational way, Rach…and I fell in love with you all over again. I got to know who you were. The real you, I mean. Not the spoiled cheerleader, but my friend. The brave woman who struggled to start a new life. The woman who paid her dues. This strong amazing woman who turned her back on a wealthy life to find her way in this world."

Rachel was speechless. She'd never heard Ross saying those kind of things to her. Not so genuinely, not so honestly.

If she thought about it, the only time she'd seen Ross pouring his heart out like that, it had been the night they had broken up.

Tears formed immediately in her eyes. She turned around, she didn't want him to see her that emotional, "I can't believe this." she whispered.

"What?"

Rachel wiped the tears away and turned around again, "I guessed by chance!" she commented.

They both burst out laughing at that consideration. Rachel took that moment to approach Ross and hug him tenderly. She wanted to get lost in that warm sensation, but she knew too well that this would be over soon.

"Thank you, Ross." She said, her voice taking on a sad tone.

"For what?" he asked.

"I don't know. Just…thank you." She sighed, holding him tight.

Ross leaned his head over hears, smelling the scent coming from her hair.

Neither of them wanted to let go.

Rachel remembered the conversation with Monica. Maybe her friend was right. Maybe there was still hope for them.

Ross let go of the perfect woman surrounded by his arms; his hands moved on their own accord as he traced his fingers down her face.

How many moments like those had they wasted during the years? Moments in which they would exchange these longing stares, secretly hoping for the other to stop fighting and give up to his – or her – feelings?

Still loving each other but not willing to admit it?

Ross was the one who came back to his senses, "I really should go, now."

"Yeah, I think so." Rachel agreed, stepping back from his hold.

"Ok, so…See you tomorrow."

"To go and get Emma, right." Rachel nodded.

"Right."

"See ya." She finally said goodbye, closing the apartment door.

The second she found herself alone, Rachel took a moment to rethink about that evening.

She would remember this as the night she had discovered the most important thing that Ross had never told her.

'_He's never been in love with Emily.' _

One of the biggest doubts she ever had, just got its resolution.

Deep inside, she'd always known, though.

Ross had asked Emily to get married not because he loved her more, but because he wanted to try and move on. And if Ross had mistakenly said her name at the altar, maybe…he was still in love with herself, even then.

She felt a huge sense of relief, and she smiled in contentment.

The reason why Ross had asked Emily to get married after a few weeks – while he never proposed to her even after one year – had always been an issue that gnawed at her.

Now she knew.

One of the greatest matters keeping them apart had just been resolved.

* * *

Ross couldn't move from the hallway.

Chandler was right.

'_Who am I kidding?'_, he thought. He would never stop loving Rachel.

That stupid game had just demonstrated how much they still knew and care about each other. If they remembered every little detail of their relationship, it was because they'd never had anything that important, before or after.

He couldn't recall Emily's favorite drink. With Elizabeth, the question never even raised. And with Charlie, he didn't have time to find out.

Ross knew, now.

He thought about his last date, the one with that girl who teased him about how he dressed. The absurd dinner that lasted less than a minute.

There had been women after Rachel. Emily above all. His second wife had been his greatest chance to close that door, and everybody knew how that story went.

'_I, Ross, take thee, Rachel.'_

EPIC. FAIL.

Maybe time had come to understand if they were still in that place.

And then give Emma the family she deserved.

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**If you ever watched _Dawson's Creek_, you might recognize this last twist as something inspired by my favorite episode, "The All-Nighter" (2x07). I was a huge Dawson Joey shipper so I really loved Season 2. Even if _Dawson's Creek_ was a very silly show, sometimes very poorly written, I was a teenager when it aired, so just don't blame me :)**

**Anyway, Joey mentioned that she fell in love with Dawson twice. First time, as her friend. Second time, after they kissed. I just wanted to use this idea for the conclusion of this one shot because it was sooooo good!**

**Hope you liked this!**


	10. Mistletoe

Hello everybody!

Before proceeding with a new chapter, I wanted to reply to some of your reviews for Chapter 9.

One reviewer told me that it's not realistic that Ross and Rachel know each other better than Monica and Chandler. I don't think that's quite true. They've known each other longer than Mondler, and they've spent one year together as a couple. For what we know, they were very committed and went out almost every night.

I was very careful when I thought about the answers that Mondler could do wrong, and if you notice, they only make mistakes because they misunderstand the questions.

For Ross and Rachel, the important thing is that they needed to realize that they still had the other as main boyfriend/girlfriend in their minds and that they still behave like a couple – they know everything about each other and they have a daughter!

Another reviewer thinks that Roschel couldn't get as close as I picture them in that chapter because egos and fear wouldn't allow it. This might be true, but remember that I purposely put this one shot a few days before _The One Where Joey Speaks French_ (which is the episode that definitively changed the perception of Roschel in Season 10). Since then, the two of them get closer and closer and Rachel is the one who says, "It's never off the table".

As for Emily, I have different povs in different fan fictions. At times, I believe that Ross was in love with Emily, but not as strongly as he ever was I love with Carol or Rachel.

For the purpose of that chapter, though, I wanted to believe that Ross never really loved Emily. If you think about it, love is very different than fancy, like, or even care very much.

And now, about next chapter.

This might be a little forced, but I really wish this would have happened.

* * *

**Episodes: Somewhere between The One With The Girl From Poughkeepsie (4x10) and The One With Phoebe's Uterus (4x11)**

* * *

"I can't believe I won't be able to spend New Year's Eve with Kathy!"

"Come on, don't be such a baby. We are all singles at the moment, so tonight you just have to pretend!" Monica scolded her best friend.

Chandler had been complaining all night for Kathy's absence at Monica's party. Before getting together with him, she had already bought tickets to visit her parents during the holidays, so she had left for Chicago a couple of days before.

Chandler could not help but feel lonely, even if the group of random people that Monica liked inviting at her parties was scattered all around the room.

"Mon's right, Chandler. Just be cool and have fun!" Joey prodded him.

"Yeah, and if you don't feel like celebrating, just think that Ross was going out with two women and now he has none!" Rachel sneered.

Ross just glared at her, trying to ignore her attempt to argue with him. For some reason, he wasn't really in the mood to pick up a fight with her, that night.

"For your information, Phoebe was the one who suggested that I broke up with both of them." Ross tried and justify himself.

"And you listened to me?" Phoebe asked, with genuine concern.

Ross caught Rachel's look as she stifled a laugh. His mood changed just for a second when he realized that Rachel was smiling _with him_ because of Phoebe's statement.

They shared a look worth a thousand words, both certainly remembering much happier times.

"All, right kids, the ball is almost ready to drop!" Monica clapped her hands and walked towards the fridge, taking bottle of sparkling wine to open at midnight.

Rachel's wavering grin was the last thing that Ross saw before his former girlfriend decided to walk slowly towards her bedroom.

* * *

Rachel was in a very pensive mood. It was five minutes before New Year, and she had never felt so abandoned and lonely.

She knew that she should not complain about her life. She liked her job. She made good money and she could make rent without any problems. She had amazing friends, of course. Friends that she loved like they were her real family.

However, if she had to be honest, she missed having a boyfriend.

Not exactly.

She missed Ross. An awful lot.

They hadn't been together for almost ten months, by now, but she still couldn't accept the fact that their relationship was over.

What bothered her more, though, was the fact that since they had definitively broken up, Ross had managed to go out with plenty of women, while her only real date had been that stupid kid, Josh.

She didn't like feeling that way. Not only because she feared that she might still have feelings for Ross, but also because her mind kept playing games with her, with memories of the previous year slowly arising to make her suffer even more.

Things had been so different 365 days before.

By then, she was still working at _Fortunata Fashions_ and she hated her job immensely, but that had been her first job in the field. All the six of them had spent a lovely night together. And Ross was still the great man she had fallen in love with. No stupid jealousy and possessiveness, no embarrassing behaviors. Everything was just as simple as that.

Ross and Rachel.

She couldn't believe how fast things had come to a head when she had met Mark.

Her new job at Bloomingdale's, everything that this huge change had leaded to.

Of course, she couldn't blame herself. Their breakup had been Ross's fault.

Well, mainly Ross's fault.

Mostly Ross's fault.

After almost a year, she had some reservations about the whole break issue, being tormented by the memory that she had been the one to ask for it in the first place.

But one thing was evident and bright like the sun: Ross had cheated on her, and this would never change.

Rachel sighed heavily. If only those thoughts could leave her alone, just for a while.

'_Yeah, right.'_

She stood up and opened her wardrobe, looking for a very familiar shoebox.

She sat on her bed, the box leaning carefully on her knees.

Rachel removed the lid and observed its content.

A worn out movie stub, a broken eggshell, pictures, a Valentine's Day card, a very old fossil. A dried sprig of mistletoe.

Rachel took it in her hands, trying not to ruin it. She smiled wryly, thinking of how metaphorical that little twig was.

One year before, in a night like this, it was still colorful, alive, the symbol of the love that they shared.

And now?

Dried out. Almost dead.

She was still looking at the mistletoe when she heard someone knocking on her door.

"Get in." she said, absent-mindedly.

She wasn't certainly expecting the person peeking out, with a very serious look on his face.

"Hey." Ross announced himself.

Hearing _his_ voice, Rachel threw the mistletoe in the box, trying to cover it as fast as she could. She sniffed, trying not to show how vulnerable she actually felt at that moment.

Ross knew that there were times that he was a real pain in the ass, especially since he had broken up with Rachel. But he was still able to _feel_ whenever she was upset.

"Something's wrong?" he asked, assuming that she wasn't feeling well.

"No, I'm fine." She answered harshly, annoyed by his intrusion. Of course, Ross was the reason she was feeling like that, but she would never admit it.

Rachel was struggling to try and hate him, she really was giving it her best shot. But whenever she felt like she was finally succeeding, she had to give up, because she still had deep feelings for him. And now Ross had the guts to go and check for her, asking if something was wrong.

When had things gotten so difficult?

Ross ignored Rachel's tone; he hadn't come to fight with her. He just wanted to know what was going on.

"Rachel, maybe we are not together anymore, but I know you. I know when something's bothering you."

Rachel snickered, feeling frustration get the upper hand over her inner emotional turmoil.

"Yeah, right, maybe if you really had this gift, you wouldn't have slept with somebody else." She blurted out without thinking.

Ross was struck by her words and he felt hurt. However, he noticed that Rachel immediately put a hand on her eyes, shaking her head rapidly. That was the sign that she was already regretting ever saying those things. As much as she wanted to hate Ross, he didn't deserve being humiliated like that.

A very broken Ross sighed and walked towards the bed, "May I?" he said politely, asking for her permission to sit next to her.

Rachel didn't reply, she just slid a bit, leaving some space for him at the end of the bed.

As Ross sat, he took a glimpse of the box laying behind her.

"So, are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Rachel scoffed, shaking her head again and carefully avoiding meeting his eyes, "It's hard to explain. Especially to you."

Ross nodded in comprehension, his eyes glued to the shoebox. He knew that thing. He had seen it something like a month before.

* * *

"_Don't say that I have no sentiment!" Rachel yelled, getting back from her room._

_She started to show Ross what was in the box with such a fury that he was obliged to focus on her._

"_This is a movie stub from our first date! This is an eggshell from the first time you made me breakfast in bed! This is from the museum from the first time we…were together." She exhaled, holding a fossil in her hands._

"_Okay, maybe I exchange gifts sometimes, but I keep the things that matter!" she screamed, trying to make her point._

_Ross felt terrible. He couldn't believe how sweet it was that Rachel still kept objects that belonged to their relationship. Then he had a sudden epiphany about the bone she was holding._

"_I don't know what to say, I'm sorry. Though, you're not supposed to take these." He pointed at the bone. "It's like a million years old, we, we actually, we had people looking for that."_

_Rachel just glared at him._

* * *

While those memories resurfaced from the back of his mind, Ross decided that this could be the right moment to talk about it.

"Listen, Rach…we never really spoke about what happened at Thanksgiving."

"What? Monica kissing Richard's son and how much yuck that was?"

Ross chuckled, glad to notice that Rachel never lost her sense of humor, "No, I mean…what happened with…you know…us."

Rachel shook her head slowly, then she finally looked at him, "And what should have we talked about exactly, uh, Ross?" she questioned him, ready to face another argument.

"I don't know, maybe that I was a jerk." Came his unexpected response.

Rachel hated this about Ross. He could be the worst idiot at times, but he was – oh so good with apologies. She always believed him when he said that he was sorry; he often made huge gestures to excuse himself, like drinking that glass of fat.

If she thought carefully, the only time she hadn't listened to reason had been when Ross had betrayed her. She had been so close to forgive him when he had tried and kiss her that night, but she had been the strong one, yelling at him that this time he couldn't make it better like that.

But Ross's eyes were always sincere, he couldn't hide behind them. And his soothing voice made Rachel remember why she had fallen in love with him in the first place.

Because after all was said and done, he was still the sweetest man she had ever met.

"I'm sorry for everything I said to you that night, Rachel. I should have never accused you of not having feelings. I _do_ know that your friends are the most important thing to you."

Rachel was confused by that confession; she lowered her head, deciding that maybe letting Ross talk and not interjecting him was the best thing to do.

"And I even know how much committed you were to…well, us. I was the one who spoiled everything and…" Ross was the one avoiding her eyes now. "Well, I shouldn't have yelled at you, I'm sorry for that."

As Ross was staring sightlessly at the floor in front of him, Rachel looked warily at him. He was nervous, playing with his fingers to ease the tension.

She blinked fast and sighed deeply, "Apologies accepted."

Ross's eyes flickered immediately at her, he raised his eyebrows in surprise.

"Ok." He sighed, feeling relaxed as he hadn't been in a very long time.

Rachel nodded and noticed that Ross was looking with curiosity at the shoebox.

"So, what's going on with you tonight?" he politely asked her.

"I don't know…maybe…it's the fact that we are all here, supposed to be celebrating New Year's Eve…and I realized I don't have much to celebrate."

Ross knew exactly how she felt; he was pretty sure that Rachel's mood mirrored his own.

"Well, you're not the only one who's nostalgic."

Rachel smirked, "I'm not nostalgic."

Ross didn't want to push her, but he really wanted to know – _needed_ to know.

"So what's with that box?" he finally posed the loaded question.

Rachel slowly and defiantly lift her head, glaring at him. She didn't answer, but her thoughts were very clear to Ross.

'_Yeah, right, try and make me confess that I still love you'_, she thought.

That wasn't Ross's intent, though. He only hoped that Rachel would find the strength to open up a bit so that he could help her.

"Listen, I know where we stand now. But don't forget that we are still friends. At least, I hope we are."

Rachel scoffed again, shaking her head, "Of course we are friends, Ross. As much as I really wanted to tear off your head a few months ago, I can't pretend that I don't care about you. You're still part of that little group of people that I love the most."

Ross's delighted smile almost enlightened the room, "Wow, so I'm off from the black list?"

"Oh, no, you're still at first place on it." She argued.

They both chuckled softly, a bit relieved that all the former tension between them was disappearing.

Rachel sighed and took the mistletoe from its container.

"I put this in that box exactly one year ago."

Ross watched the sprig, it was definitely mistletoe. It wasn't hard for him to remember the occasion.

* * *

"_Happy New Year, sweetie!"_

"_Oh, you too honey!" _

_Rachel traced her fingers down Ross's face, his hands resting on her hips in their usual natural position._

"_I have a little present for you."_

"_Really?" she asked, with a sparkle in her eyes._

_Ross chuckled for her usual childish impatience and took a package that he had leaned on the couch a few minutes before._

"_It's big!" Rachel commented._

_Ross laughed again and waited for her to open the gift._

"_Wow, Ross this is gorgeous!"_

"_You like it?"_

_Rachel was holding a big leather purse, evidently designed for an office worker. _

"_I love it, Ross."_

"_Really?" he inquired sternly, but with another soft smile on his face._

"_Yes, I realllly like it, I promise."_

"_You know, I thought that you needed a new purse for your new job. And even if you feel like that's not what you were expecting when you left Central Perk, I hope it's going to get better."_

"_Thank you honey." She was sincerely touched by his words._

"_And now…"_

_A mistletoe sprig appeared in Ross's hands. They both grinned at the sight of it._

"_I suppose you want something better than a simple thank you, don't you?" _

"_No, but you know how much traditions mean to me." Ross stated tenderly._

_Next thing they know; they were caught up in a passionate kiss – under the mistletoe._

* * *

Ross's memories weighed him down like a ton of bricks.

He still couldn't believe that with one stupid mistake he had thrown away the best thing that had ever happened to him. He played with the little twig in his hands.

"I'm sorry that you are sad." He suddenly blurted, his eyes roaming over her face.

Rachel realized that there were dozens of unsaid things behind that statement.

Of course, Ross was trying to apologize for what he had done. Again.

For cheating on her, for losing her trust.

And after a long internal battle, she decided to accept this little piece of himself, knowing that she was still incapable of forgiving him.

"I know." finally came her response.

Not willing to look directly at her, Ross took that moment to observe his surroundings.

"It's weird to be here…I haven't been in your room since…" he cautiously paid attention to the following words. "Well, it's been a while."

Rachel smiled reassuringly, "If only these walls could talk."

"I think Joey would loooove listening to what they have to say." Ross commented, provoking a joyous fit of laughter in his former girlfriend.

Rachel thought for the second time about this man and what she had always loved about him. Ross wasn't as funny as Chandler maybe, but she felt like his humor was made for her. He was always so good at making her laugh, like nobody else.

And he always knew how to set a mood when she was upset.

Ross was still playing with the mistletoe when they heard Monica's shrieking voice coming from the living room, "Thirty seconds!"

Monica said something else, more quietly this time; evidently they were dropping the ball in Time Square.

"Well, it's almost midnight." Ross stated the obvious.

"Yeah. The beginning of another crappy new year," Rachel whined.

Ross felt a wave of courage invade him, "Maybe we could ease our way into it."

Rachel looked questioningly at Ross as he showed her the mistletoe.

She was speechless and not sure that she had understood his intentions.

"For old time's sake?" Ross questioned her, his voice almost a whisper.

He knew that this was a huge risk. All he'd ever hoped was to share another moment like this with Rachel, the woman he still loved. But now that he had thrown the stone, he wasn't so sure anymore.

On the other hand, Rachel was feeling blue and lonely.

'_Well, that wouldn't be the worst thing.'_

She was uncertain, but at the same time very excited. She knew that this was the stupidest idea ever, and she knew that kissing Ross always meant something to her. She couldn't pretend with him.

'_What do I got to lose?'_ she finally considered.

This was just a New Year's kiss, she could have kissed Chandler, or Joey, and that would have been the same thing.

"10…9…8…" they heard the voices of their friends and acquaintances coming from the other room.

Rachel found herself nodding almost imperceptibly.

"5…4…"

Ross and Rachel's faces were so close that they could feel their respective breaths on each other's skin.

"2…1…Happy New Year!"

Their lips collided into a slow delicate kiss. They hadn't been so intimate since that fateful day after Montauk. The second Ross realized that he couldn't get through with his resolve, he tried and stop the kissing, putting some distance between them and staring into her eyes. But Rachel didn't want him to back out. She caught the collar of his shirt with her fingers, dragging Ross towards herself and starting a new kiss, more passionate and intense.

That was typical Ross and Rachel fashion. Starting tentatively only to make things more confident and incredible in a second moment.

And every kissed they shared felt – oh so familiar. Yet, this time it was even so new.

Rachel knew what felt different. It was desperation. This urgent need of running his fingers through her long hair, the way she was keeping her hands on Ross's face, almost afraid to let him go.

But eventually, they had to part.

And Rachel had never been more disappointed in her life.

She had already lost this man once. And now she wasn't ready to lose him again.

And yet, she had to.

'_Who am I kidding. This is NOTHING like kissing Chandler or Joey!'_ she thought.

Ross leaned his forehead over Rachel's, still gasping for air and recovering from that amazing kiss. His mind and heart were tortured with memories of his recent past.

Rachel asking him if he was over her. Rachel yelling at him at Central Perk. Rachel opening the door of the coffeehouse and the magical first true kiss they had shared. Rachel walking towards him after watching the prom video to kiss him with resolution. Their first night together at the museum. Their first _I love you_. Rachel walking down the aisle at Barry and Mindy's wedding. Rachel coming out from her room wearing a green dress, looking like a goddess. Rachel quitting her job. Rachel meeting Mark. Rachel trying to convince him that even if she had that new job, she still loved him more than ever. Rachel asking for a break. Rachel crying in front of him, stating that everything had changed forever.

Ross tried not to cry, but his feelings were betraying him. He felt tears forming at the corner of his eyes, and he wasn't ashamed to let them stream down his face.

Rachel immediately sensed his change of mood, and she used her thumbs to wipe his tears away. She slowly raised his chin, and Ross looked intently at her for the first time after the kiss.

"Happy New Year, Ross." She simply told him.

Ross stood up as fast as he could, "Happy New Year, Rach." He mumbled with a broken voice, as he walked towards the door.

Rachel waited for him to go out. She remained on her bed, the mistletoe that had started all this incredible turn of events was still next to her.

She was crushed, maybe even more than before. But she also felt relieved.

Rachel knew she had to stop lying to herself: she would never find anyone able to complete her like Ross. Nothing would change. Perhaps, she would never stop loving him.

But their time was over.

'_Move on.'_ She thought to herself as she looked in the mirror.

If only it weren't so damn difficult.


	11. Kisses

Hello Friends Fans!

I know it's been a while, but please don't blame me. I found out that I'm pregnant and since then everything was…a mess!

Anyway, a little New Year's gift, a new short ficlet.

I hope you enjoy it.

Rossella

* * *

**Episode: The One Where the Stripper Cries (10x11)**

* * *

Waiting for Rachel to come back had never felt so tiring before.

Ross was anxious to meet her, to clarify things.

He didn't even know if he felt so disappointed for finding out that his first kiss with Rachel had _in fact_ been his first kiss with his sister, or because Chandler had kissed Rachel before he had the chance to.

Ross was so caught up in his thoughts, that he didn't notice Rachel come in with Emma in her lap.

"Well, these are four hours of my life that I won't get back." She complained while putting Emma in her playpen.

"How's the stripper?"

Rachel caressed her daughter's face before standing in front of Ross, arms crossed and an annoyed expression on her face.

"Turned out, he was very lucky that we took him to the hospital, apparently he has a heart murmur."

Ross frowned in surprise, "Oh my god!"

"He's gonna be fine, the doctors were incredulous when they found out that he's survived all these years doing that job." Rachel chuckled.

Ross nodded in silence, not very incline to laugh along. It didn't take Rachel long to realize that something was bothering him.

"Are you okay? How was the class reunion?" she finally asked, sitting on the couch next to him.

"Not so good…There was this old mate that both Chandler and I liked when we were in college and…well, we made kind of a pact never to go out with her."

"But Chandler now is married, you are not, and you wanted to break the pact." Rachel read his mind.

Ross smiled for her intuition, noticing for the umpteenth time that Rachel could still read him like an open book.

"Well, yes, but that's not the point. I spoke with her and I found out that Chandler hooked up with her in college, totally breaking the pact!"

"Wow…" Rachel nodded, smiling with approbation. "And why did he hook up with this girl? And believe me, I'm very surprised to find out that you guys were actually able to hook up with anyone, back then…"

Ross glared at her.

"You know, with the hair, and everything…" Rachel tried and explain herself, waving her hand around his face.

Ross shook his head, "Well, it seems that he was seeking for revenge. This pact involved other women that we both liked, and Chandler saw me making out with one of them, uhm, Adrienne Turner, during a party. It was Freshman Year."

Rachel thought about this for a few seconds, "Wait a minute, was that the night Monica and I came visiting you guys?"

"Yes!" Ross almost yelled, causing Emma to look at him from her position. "Sorry, sweetie."

"Ok, so that is why you were nowhere to be found that night?"

"Uhm…maybe." Ross admitted. "You remember not seeing me at all that night?"

"As a matter of fact, I remember nothing. I probably got drunk and…oh, I kind of remember kissing a guy, but…it's all confused, I don't know what happened and the morning after I woke up in your room and Judy came back to fetch us."

Ross thought that a knife in the back would hurt less than this conversation.

"Well…today we kind of figured out who was that guy that kissed you."

Rachel's eyes filled with unshed tears of joy as she stared at Ross with a hopeful expression, "It was you?"

For the first time after coming back from the reunion, Ross felt his heart melting. His eyes roamed over Rachel's face, he couldn't help but smile tenderly. How he wished that Rachel was right.

"No, Rach…I wish. But…uhm…it was Chandler. Chandler's the one who kissed you."

Rachel's expression changed comically. "Chandler?!" she yelled, causing Emma to look at her, this time.

"Sorry, sweetie." she excused herself. "How come he turned to me?"

"Apparently he wanted to get back at me and he thought to do it with the person I liked more than anybody."

Ross tried to tell her this without sounding too concerned, but when he glanced sideways at her, Rachel had a delighted expression on her face.

"I see." She said quietly. "So he decided to hit on me."

"Not only did he hit on you, you kissed!" Ross scolded her.

"Ross, I don't remember! And believe me, if I did, I'd try and forget it!" Rachel argued.

Ross calmed down, "Chandler said that as soon as you started to kiss you fell asleep, that's why you woke up in our bedroom, you slept all night on his bed."

"See? Mystery solved. Anyway, Ross, it's been more than fifteen years, I didn't even remember! Don't tell me you are mad at us for this, and…oh my god, did you tell Monica?"

Rachel was worried about her best friend's reaction, but Ross couldn't lie.

"Uhm…yes, this came out…together with another…little…uhm…detail."

Rachel looked intrigued by his reaction and decided to investigate further, "What? Now you have to tell me."

"No, no, Rach, this is too embarrassing."

"What?" Rachel urged him. "I know you wanna tell me…" she smiled widely.

Ross lifted his hands in a defensive movement, chuckling with nervousness.

"Fine, I'll call Chandler and Monica."

Ross stopped her from standing up, "Ok, all right, I'll tell you. When Chandler told me you passed out in our room, I got back to see if you were all right. I found you sleeping on my bed under a pile of coats…I wanted to kiss you on the forehead, but…you know it was dark and I accidentally kissed your lips."

"So…?"

"So…that wasn't you. You were sleeping on Chandler's bed, instead."

"Who did you kiss?" Rachel asked, squeezing her eyes with curiosity.

Ross closed his eyes, "I kissed Monica." He said in one breath.

Rachel burst out laughing. Hearing Ross telling this story almost made up for the fact that she didn't remember it.

"It's not funny, ok? I was sure that was the night we had kissed for the first time, and yet we didn't."

Rachel stopped laughing, "So why did you never tell me about it while we were together?"

"Uhm…I…I was embarrassed. I stole you that kiss, without your permission. I didn't want you to think I was some kind of a pervert." Ross realized that he still felt as embarrassed as that night.

"I still can't believe you kissed Monica." Rachel shook her head, ignoring what Ross had just told her.

Ross squeezed his eyes with suspicion, noticing that Rachel's reaction wasn't as exaggerated as he had thought it would be.

"Chandler already told you this, didn't he?"

Rachel nodded fast, "A little bit, yeah. He called me while I was coming back from the hospital."

Ross nodded and sneered in annoyance. He promised himself to kill his brother-in-law.

It took them a moment to look back at each other, both beginning to laugh again. Ross sighed heavily, making a mental note to add this day to the list of the most awkward moments of his life.

"So, how come you decided to get in your room and kiss me even if you had just fooled around with that Adrienne girl?"

"Well, when I had the chance I simply couldn't resist." Ross admitted, smiling to himself. "My room, you lying on my bed…kissing you was like a dream coming true."

Rachel smiled in return, "I know what you mean…so that's why you were so bothered before? Because of this Monica thing?"

"No, it's not that…"

"About Chandler and me?" Rachel was incredulous. "Ross, it's been a million years, don't be mad at Chandler. He's the only one of us who remembers, and this should help you understand how memorable that kiss was."

Ross chuckled for her remark.

"I promise you, it means nothing."

"Ok." Ross finally conceded, smiling tenderly at her.

Rachel felt relieved for his reaction and took a moment to check on Emma, who was still playing with her toys.

"So…" Ross ventured to express a thought that suddenly came to his mind. "If that wasn't your most memorable kiss…which one was?"

He asked cautiously, almost fearing that Rachel would answer by mentioning some other guy. Some Tag, or Joshua…if she were to mention Paolo, he would certainly throw up.

Rachel rubbed her chin, thinking hard. She had a soft smile on her lips, probably caused by some memories.

"Well, I'm pretty sure that all our friends think our kiss at the coffee house was the best one. I mean, it took me fifteen minutes to describe it to Monica and Phoebe that night."

Ross's heart made a leap. She was talking about _them_, excluding other men from her reasoning. He nodded nonchalantly, trying to feign come composure.

"But the night we watched that video of our prom…"

Ross sighed to himself. This statement gave him some courage to look back at Rachel, nodding in agreement. Even her eyes were smiling.

"I don't know, maybe the fact that we were there, with our friends…or maybe it's just because I finally understood what kind of person you really were and that I wanted to be with you…Yes, that's my most memorable kiss."

Ross tried and ease the tension, "Are you telling me that counting all the guys you went out with, if you made a list of Rachel Green's best kisses you would attribute the first two to geeky Ross Geller?"

Rachel chuckled for his joke, but she took his hand in hers. "Ross, in a list of my top ten _all_ the memorable kisses would be attributed to you."

Ross blushed somehow, and he squeezed her hand a little bit tighter, "Well, thank you."

"There's nothing to thank me for, this is just the simple truth. What we had, our relationship, us being together…there was never another man out there like you, I thought this was way too easy for you to see."

Ross wanted to tell her how hardly easy it was for him to understand. To realize that Rachel had loved him so much and he had been so stupid and scared to let her go after making the greatest mistake of his life.

"Hey, while we are on the subject…what about you?"

Ross opted for some hilarity to ease the tension. "Well, I have to think about it. I'm uncertain if I prefer the kiss that Carol gave me to say goodbye after telling me that she was a lesbian or that passionate peck between Emily and me after saying your name at the altar…"

Rachel laughed heartily for his joke. _Quintessential Ross Geller_.

Ross sighed, "Rach, when you make up a mental image of how being with one a person would be, sometimes that idea creates such high expectations that you eventually get disappointed."

Rachel raised an eyebrow at him in disbelief.

"That didn't happen with us." Ross clarified. "With you…since the beginning, since our first kiss…everything just clicked."

Rachel smiled softly, touched by his words.

"You remember our first kiss, don't you?"

"The coffee house, sure."

"Nope." Ross grinned. "Remember that night we went to the laundry together and I taught you how to use a washer?"

"Oh, really? I don't think I remember…"

As soon as Ross looked at her in disbelief, Rachel made a mischievous grin to let him understand she was just kidding.

"Of course I remember, and…oh my god!" Rachel put a hand on her mouth. "We kissed that night?"

"You kissed me. And then I…hit my head."

She chuckled, remembering every detail of that night for the first time in a while.

"I know that you weren't in love with me back then, but…I cherish that moment. Definitely in my top ten!" he concluded. Rachel couldn't help but smile for his tenderness.

"And what about your favorite?" Rachel asked, trying to act blasé but too curious to let this be.

"I know there's always been…_enthusiasm_, between us…"

Rachel chuckled for his choice of words.

"But I think I'd pick a different kind of kiss."

"Really? Which?"

"Our last kiss." Ross finally stated.

Rachel made a mental leap to retrieve that particular memory from the back of her mind, finding out that Ross was talking about the gentle peck they had shared in the delivery room soon after Emma's birth.

A wavering grin appeared on her lips, "Why?" she asked softly.

Ross just shrugged, "It wasn't just about the two of us. It involved you, me, and Emma."

Rachel eventually succumbed to an impulse and stroke his cheek, trying to convey all her gratitude in that gesture.

They both automatically turned their faces to look at Emma, who was still playing quietly.

"You know." Rachel tried and elaborate her feelings. "It doesn't matter what happens or…or – who I am with, who you are with. You are still the sweetest sentimental man I've ever met."

Ross blushed again, adverting his eyes from hers.

"And forget what I've said in the past. I'm glad that Emma is _our_ daughter."

"Yeah. Me too." He agreed, squeezing Rachel's hand tight and smiling reassuringly at her.

At that moment, as if on cue, Emma spoke. "Mom… Da-da?"

Ross and Rachel both stood up at the sounds of their daughter's voice.

"Hey sweetie." Ross took her from the playpen directly into his arms.

Emma smiled delightfully as soon as she noticed her parents smiling and caressing her with such devotion. Ross kissed the little one's forehead, causing Rachel to grin almost ecstatically. Maybe they weren't the more conventional family, but their baby seemed not to care. As long as they were together, Emma felt beloved and safe. And that was all that mattered.

Almost as if reading her mind, Ross spoke softly to his daughter, "Mommy and daddy are here."

Rachel leaned almost imperceptibly her head on Ross's arm while her hand rested on his back. Even if she didn't intend her movements to be so noticeable, she didn't really care.

At that moment all she wanted was to spend some quality time with Ross and Emma.

Looking like a family. After all they had been through, they deserved this.

How long was it, six years since she and Ross have been a couple?

Make it almost seven.

And yet, at times like these, all Rachel could think about was that maybe the past _was_ in the past.

Ross could be irritable and annoying when it came to the stupidest things, but when the going got tough, he always managed to become the responsible caring man she'd fallen in love with. And he was still the most dedicated father she had ever met.

She was more than grateful to still have him in her life, if only for that.

On the other hand, Ross hadn't missed to notice Rachel's gentle touch.

He still didn't know what the future would hold, but things were certainly getting clearer.

For starters, he knew that he would never take this woman off his mind. Rachel was and would always be part of his life, with the (frightening) prospect that Ross would never love anyone else.

But looking at her, making faces to get Emma to laugh and listening to them giggling joyfully, Ross realized something else.

It was time to give the three of them another chance to be a real family.

Not now, not immediately. They had so many things in store in the next few days.

Phoebe's wedding was a priority at that moment; Their friend deserved spending the best day of her life like a queen, supported by the gang and being the real star.

Certainly she didn't need some Ross and Rachel drama to divert the attention from her big day. Even if Ross had a feeling that Phoebe would be ecstatic to know that he wanted to give his relationship with Rachel another shot.

And when he heard Rachel starting to sing _Baby Got Back_ to their baby daughter only to get a big laugh from her, Ross became even more resolute.

He really needed to make up his mind and act. Talk. Do something.

Ross couldn't imagine that only in a few weeks Dr. Green's unexpected heart attack would give him a huge chance to sort his feelings out.


	12. Lasagne for the Lady

Hello Everybody!

It's been a while, but during these difficult days here in Italy, I've found the time to write a new chapter for this fiction.

Don't worry, I'm fine and so is my family. But we need to stay home for a while, so, why not spending some time with my favorite hobby?

Have a great day and please, be safe! Stay home! Believe me, it's the only way to fight this invisible enemy.

Rossella

* * *

**Episode: The One Where Joey Tells Rachel (8x16)**

* * *

After the awkward conversation with Joey, Ross had decided to head back home. He didn't feel like going out, knowing that all he would think about would be how Rachel and Joey's dinner was going on. Sure, he'd been the one to push Joey to confess his feelings, but now that he was alone in his apartment, the eventual consequences were getting so real and so hard to accept, that he was almost getting crazy.

The fact that Rachel had just moved in made things even more difficult. He couldn't help but feeling sick every time he pictured Rachel and Joey being together in that very apartment, under his same roof.

* * *

In the meantime, Rachel was getting home.

She was an emotional wreck.

Devastated.

Joey was in love with her.

At least a thousand questions were running through her mind, but the most important was the one she disliked the most.

Why?

Why had Joey fallen in love with her? How was this even possible?

They were friends, the best of friends, actually. She had loved living with him, they had fun and they were so in tune with each other. So when did things change?

She recalled asking him this very same question, during their dinner.

"_Does it really matter?"_

A very simple answer, and yet so true.

She was pregnant, probably at the lowest levels of beauty she had ever reached in her life, and yet she had been capable to make Joey falling in love with her, somehow.

This was so unexpected, such a terrible development in their friendship.

After their fake date, a few weeks before, Joey had mentioned something about feeling weird, but she had naively thought that it was something about the food.

Instead, he had been showing signs of unease around her, and she hadn't even noticed. Until now.

He had stopped dating other women, even at Valentine's Day – which was really Not-Joey-like. And maybe he was always a bit over the edge when they were in the same room, but she couldn't have imagined…

Wrapped up in her own thoughts, she barely noticed that she'd reached the door to her building.

Again, hadn't it been Joey's idea to move in with Ross? She wasn't sure, at the beginning, but Joey had been so supportive that she had finally accepted this crazy plan to go and share an apartment with her ex-boyfriend. Ross had been so happy about it…

Oh, my, God.

Ross.

'_Does he know?'_, she immediately thought.

The panic started to rise even more. Did Ross know about Joey's feelings? And what did he think? Knowing the man like she did, he was probably picturing the worst case scenario, believing that she would feel something for Joey, too. Even if it was pretty clear to every single person on this Earth that she was pregnant with Ross's baby and that she couldn't feel anything for any (other) man.

Suddenly she was facing two problems, two sides of the same coin.

She had just rejected Joey, something she would probably be tormented for the rest of her life. And now she was afraid for Ross. If he knew, he wasn't definitely feeling fine.

She rushed inside the building, climbing the stairs too fast for a pregnant woman.

But right now she didn't care, she really needed to reach her apartment and…

She opened the door with a sudden movement, finding Ross sitting on the couch.

He was quiet, _too_ quiet. He was staring sightlessly at the floor in front of him.

When he heard the noise, his eyes moved to Rachel, softening as soon as he saw her current state.

'_He knows.'_

'_She knows.'_

Rachel couldn't hold it anymore. All the emotions of that night crushed her completely and she burst into tears.

Ross didn't waste another second. He crossed the room as fast as he could, his arms wrapping her up in a soft embrace.

They stood close to the opened door. They couldn't know that in the next year or so their relationship would be constellated with important moments, good and bad, spent in front of _that_ door.

Ross stroke her hair with tenderness, trying to soothe her.

The only thing that he could think about (being the pessimistic person he was), was that Rachel was in fact in love with Joey and she didn't know how to tell him. That she had come home to explain when and how she would move out to go back and live with Joey because she wanted to try things out with him.

In short, a catastrophic future.

'_Will our nameless daughter grow up with Joey as step father? Will she be named Tribbiani? Will Rachel close the door to our past, forgetting everything that has ever been with us? Now that things were getting so much better?'_

Ross knew that the two of them had never the chance to live together as a real couple. The fact that they were living together now, while Rachel was waiting for their daughter, felt like a dream. Something so fantastic he would have never allowed himself hoping for.

And now…

"Ross…"

He really didn't want to go down that road, not yet.

"Rach, whatever happened, I'll be here, for you and…and our baby. Whatever you decide. Nothing can't change how much I care about you, ok?"

Rachel nodded ruefully, she blinked fast and she finally found some courage to stare directly into his eyes.

How many times had they exchanged longing looks like those?

Whenever Ross gazed at her like that, he never failed to raise goose bumps all over her body. Like something incredible would definitely happen.

They hadn't been so close and intimate since Emma's first sonogram.

Rachel knew that she needed to extricate herself from that situation. She shook her head and lost eye contact.

Ross felt that was the right moment to talk, "Let's sit."

"Ok." She murmured, following him towards the couch.

"You want something to drink?"

"No, no, I'm fine…but we really need to talk, Ross."

"Sure." He tried his best to sound casual and not worried, but Rachel knew him better.

"I was out with Joey."

"What did you eat?" he asked, failing to ease the tension. Rachel glared at him, threatening to say another word, "Ross…"

"Sorry."

"He…he confessed that he's in love with me."

Ross nodded as slow as he could, feeling the lump in his throat almost suffocating him.

"How did you feel?"

"Well, at first I didn't believe him. I thought he was kidding, you know? Then I realized he was serious and I literally started to tremble."

Ross listened carefully, hanging on every word.

"It felt…surreal. Being there, speaking with my best friend who was saying these things…And I'm not used to deal with emotions and that kind of stuff anymore, you know? It's been a while since I've heard a man saying that he's in love with me…and the fact that it was Joey…I wasn't expecting that!"

Ross wasn't definitely known for his patience. He couldn't wait another second to know.

"Rach, you got to tell me…what _you_ said."

Rachel felt his nervousness, but she was sure that the answer was pretty obvious by then.

Not so obvious, apparently.

"I think you know what I said."

"No, Rach...that's why I'm so uncertain, the problem is I don't know! If all this had happened four years ago, I know what your answer would have been. When we were together, even after…After Bonnie, after Emily, even after our divorce…I would have known, then. But today, Rachel…I have no idea. And it scares me."

Rachel nodded. Maybe Ross's point of view was silly and unreasonable to everyone else, but not her.

"I said that I love him so much. He's one of my best friends. But…"

She stopped, once again incapable of going on.

Ross sighed in relief after hearing the most beautiful _but_ of his entire life. He closed his eyes, feeling the tension leaving his body.

Rachel noticed that the same three-lettered-word that had made Joey realize that she wasn't in love with him was the only word that Ross had needed to _know_ that she still felt something for him, instead.

It was worth a thousand other words, kisses, hugs.

That _but_ represented the awareness that Ross needed to know that Rachel wasn't in love with Joey, but also that the door wasn't closed for _them_, not yet.

Ross took her hand, caressing it tenderly.

"Are you sure that you don't feel the same way?"

"Come on, Ross. Maybe at a rational level you didn't know my answer, but you certainly know my feelings for Joey. He's a friend, I couldn't feel anything for him." She squeezed his hand a little more, softening her voice. "I wouldn't be here, with you, pregnant with our baby, if I felt something for Joey, wouldn't I?"

"Yeah?" he wondered.

"Yes. Our night together was probably something that happened by chance, but as much drunk as I can get, it would never happen with no one else but you."

This revelation felt like a ton of bricks falling on Ross's head.

They always spoke about _that_ night as a one-night stand, driven by too much wine, ingenuity, his abstinence, Rachel's backpack story, her need for company. But it was so much more than that. He'd always felt it, but Rachel had never admitted, before now.

It was like confessing that she still felt something for him.

"I'm glad that you're here, with me. I'm glad that you gave a chance to this cohabitation." Ross answered back, conveying all kind of gratitude in his words. "But…"

He shook his head, finally feeling another emotion taking over.

Guilt.

"I'm sorry for Joey."

"I know. But I can't force myself to feel something for him when we both know that it's impossible. In fact, I think all the three of us, know."

Ross nodded, understanding her point of view.

"Ross…you knew about this."

He nodded again, with agony.

"Since when?"

"Today. I was the one to convince Joey that he had to talk to you. This secret was wearing him down, he really needed to take it out."

Rachel nodded, "You were right. Now we can put this behind us."

And yet, she was curious.

"How did you react?" she asked him.

"Honestly?" Rachel nodded. "I was out of my mind. I couldn't picture one of my friends having feelings for you. Anyone, any other woman. Even my ex-wives. I mean, I could accept this happening with Carol, as farfetched as it sounds…Or Emily, as much lovely as she was."

They both laughed for his joke.

"But…not you. Because, you know…"

He didn't need to say it out loud. Rachel knew.

Their hands were still joined together. And Rachel suddenly felt their baby kicking inside her belly, almost as if she was feeling happy for her father's words.

"I spoke with Monica. She made me realize that I couldn't lose Joey for this. I met him and we talked for a while. That was when I realized that if you were going to end up with somebody else, you couldn't find a better guy."

They both smiled at the idea.

"Yeah. Joey is sweet and I do love him. He was a real friend to me these last few years, since I moved in. But you know, he's not…"

They shared another knowing look, nodding together.

"Well, you know."

"I do know." Ross replied, smiling softly.

Ross knew that all he had to do was pushing things a little bit further. Words felt like rocks that night, and they had never been so honest with each other before.

But he also knew that this wasn't their moment. Not yet.

Too many things were at stake, their baby was due in a few weeks, and this needed to be their priority.

He caressed her tummy and Rachel smiled, with a single tear forming at the corner of her eye. She sighed in relief, glad that this nightmare was over.

Ross was fine, _they_ would be fine.

"I was so worried about you, Ross…"

"You don't have to, Rach. Never felt sorry for me, because whatever happens, from now on I'm going to be there. We'll grow up this little one together and we'll make the best of this crazy situation, together."

Rachel smiled joyfully for the first time that night. "Ok."

"Ok." Ross smiled back at her.

"You know what I'd really want right now?" she asked him.

"What, Rachel?" he questioned her, almost hopeful.

"I want to eat. You know when you asked me what did we eat? We didn't! We spoke before having the chance to order and we spent so much time consoling each other that the kitchen was closed when we finally decided to eat!"

Ross chuckled amusingly, "Ok. I have some leftovers in the fridge; Monica gave them to me, she wanted to be sure that I ate."

They smiled at each other and Ross stood up, walking towards the kitchen. Rachel collapsed on the couch, sighing again. She touched her belly, speaking with her daughter.

"Sweetie, this went better than I expected. You know, maybe one day your parents will stop lying to themselves and they will get back together. But not yet."

Ross resurfaced from the kitchen with a heated plate.

"Voilà, lasagne for the lady!"

"Wow, Italian. You know it's my fave!"

"I know." He almost whispered.

Rachel smiled and took the plate from his hands.


	13. A special Message for Emma

Hi guys!

The lockdown in Italy is officially over and so is my pregnancy. I'm due on the 27th of May, so my second child should be with us within the next couple of weeks.

I hope you're all doing good in your countries and that your families are all safe and healthy. Stay home, stay safe – we'll get through this.

Today I wanted to give you a piece of _Roschel_ that is very actual.

I hope you like it!

* * *

**Episode: The One With The Cake (10x04) **

* * *

Ross and Rachel were still looking astonishingly at their friends who were all sitting on the floor and screaming at their little toys – apparently, they were competing in a weird wind-up animal race.

"Go, go, go Alan! Run, you hairy bastard!" Phoebe yelled.

Monica and Chandler eventually realized that their friends were standing in front of the door, waiting for them to calm down and give an explanation.

"Oh, uhm…hi. Is Emma asleep again?" Chandler asked, noticing that both Ross and Rachel were outside the apartment.

Former boyfriend and girlfriend exchanged a knowing look; Ross shook his head.

"Weren't you leaving for Vermont?" Rachel asked.

"Yeah, we thought it was too late, I didn't want to drive all night, so we decided to leave tomorrow morning." Monica told her.

"Oh, ok. Again, thank you for staying, guys." Rachel smiled unconsciously.

"You're welcome." Monica smiled back.

"And now, can you go inside if you want to play and yell like that, please? We want to record our message for Emma without swearing coming from the hallway." Rachel requested.

The four friends took their toys from the floor and move towards apartment 20. Joey picked up his little puppet, showing it to Ross and Rachel with a huge childish smile on his face. Rachel stifled a laugh, while Ross shook his head again, like he often did when Joey behaved like a silly child.

Joey got serious again and walked inside the apartment, closing the door behind himself.

Ross and Rachel did the same, resuming their previous places behind the kitchen counter.

Ross noticed that the camera was still recording.

"Well, this is going to be a very unique video message for future-Emma!" he commented.

Rachel giggled, "Did it record all of this?"

"Yeah. Well, I could always edit the video later."

"Oh no, don't. It's going to be more realistic like that."

"Ok." Ross smiled in agreement.

They sat comfortably on the stools, both looking at the camera in front of them.

"So, where were we?" Rachel wondered.

"Hi, Emma!" Ross greeted.

"Well, your first birthday is over, you are sleeping in your bedroom – as you did for most of the day, actually."

"Your Aunt and Uncle were delighted about that." Ross interrupted her.

"Daddy and I were very happy because you learned something new today, now you know how to tell people that you're one year old!" Rachel said, getting emotional again.

Ross looked at her and smiled.

"Exactly, Emma. You're our little genius. Even if your mother doesn't want me to send you to the Science Camp!" he complained.

Rachel just glared at him and shook her head, "Anyway, if I think about one year ago, we were at the hospital. When you finally decided to come out of me, Dr. Long put you in my arms and that was the most emotional moment of my life."

Ross thought about it, "Yeah, mine too, I guess. Your mother and I were so happy to finally see you, to meet you after nine months. We were both looking forward to find out how you would look like, if you would resemble her or me. Hopefully, you are all Rachel."

Rachel felt her cheeks burning up a bit and realizing that she was blushing, she tried to hide it with a pleased smile. "And fortunately, you took a beautiful Geller nose. Now that you are 18, you probably know how important it is to have a nice nose, because I still had my real one when I was 18, and that was a real problem."

"Problem?" Ross claimed, incredulous. "You were the most popular girl in our school, what was wrong with your nose?"

"Ross, you were insanely in love with me, you probably didn't even notice, but my nose did have an _extremely_ deviated septum, that's why I got to reduce it!"

"I thought it was pretty." He commented, quietly.

"That's sweet, thank you." Rachel smiled at him. "Well, Emma…it's a long time until 2020 and many things will change. You'll be a grownup; will you still live with us?!" Rachel thought for a second about their current accommodations and corrected herself, "I meant, with me."

Ross's head lowered imperceptibly. He suddenly got more serious.

"Well, by then you will be certainly getting ready to leave for college, and if you are anything like your mother, you'll be beautiful, funny, friendly and everyone will love you. You'll be nice and you'll always see past appearances when choosing your friends. Your mother may have been the most popular girl, but her best friend was Aunt Monica and that's how she became a part of the Geller family."

Rachel was touched by Ross's words. She felt she needed to reciprocate somehow.

"If you are anything like your father, instead…I'm sorry but you will love dinosaurs, so you'll be a geek, and everybody will avoid you and your classmates will bully you at all time."

Ross turned his head, looking at Rachel and yelled, "Hey!" he also gave her a soft pinch.

Rachel chuckled, "I'm kidding, Emma. If you are like your father, you'll be smart, and I really hope you are. Ross is the most intelligent man I know, he's dedicated, very passionate in his commitments and he loves his family and friends more than anything. He is one of the persons I love the most in this world, and I'm sure that if you come out as an eighteen-years-old with your head on your shoulder, it'll be because of your father's guidance."

This was Ross's moment to silently melt inside for Rachel's kind words. He was astonished, he never thought he would hear her talking like that about him, not _again_.

He couldn't help himself, he grabbed Rachel's hand in his and then looked back at the camera, "Well, Emma. It's time to say goodbye. I just want to tell you one last thing. I don't know where your mother and I will be when you are 18. But I'm sure that we'll be there to celebrate with you, together. We'll always love you like we do today, and we'll always care about each other. Rachel is a wonderful woman and a great mother; I hope you become like her. See you in 2020, goodbye sweetie."

Rachel kept holding Ross's hand with tears forming at the corner of her eyes, she simply waved her other hand at the camera, mouthing a soft 'bye'. Ross stared at her for a couple of seconds and gave her a kiss on the cheek, then he stood up to stop the camera.

Sure that he'd just pressed the button, he didn't notice that he hadn't put enough pressure and the camera was still recording.

"Thank you for doing this." He told Rachel.

"This was a great idea. Well, even if the other messages are a bit peculiar."

They both chuckled, thinking about Chandler's words.

§

"_Hi Emma! It's the year 2020. Are you still enjoying your nap?"_

_§_

"If Emma grow surrounded by us, her Uncles and Aunts…I think she will be aware of the fact that this is no normal gang. These videos will be a mirror of her daily life."

Rachel giggled, "I guess you're right. Messages by people that love her very much."

They both went silent for a few seconds, thinking about all and nothing.

Rachel was the one who broke the silence.

"Hey, Ross…all those things you said about us, about not knowing where we're going to be twenty years from now…You really think we'll be there, celebrating together?"

"Oh, absolutely. You know, Rach, if all the things that happened in the last ten years never separated us…then I do believe that Emma can only make us closer."

Rachel smiled, grateful. "It's nice that's how you feel, even if time is passing by."

"Well, it's a fact, Rach. We're still friends, in spite of everything that happened. We have an amazing daughter, we still care, I know we're going to be there for each other whenever we need help. Most of all, we'll be there for Emma."

Rachel shook her head slowly, "I can't believe that you still care so much and you're not angry at all…I mean, in spite of what happened, you know…with Joey."

"I could never resent you for something like that. You're the mother of my daughter and…you're still my Rachel."

She was almost beaming because of the huge smile that those words had brought on her face, "Then, you're still my Ross."

That was the moment when Ross's thoughts concentrated for a second on his current girlfriend, Charlie. He was smiling like an idiot, and yet he knew that he couldn't fall in the trap. He couldn't let himself hope that something would happen between him and Rachel.

He really needed to give a chance to his relationship with Charlie, even if he knew that his feelings for Rachel would somehow always get in the way of his happiness.

His resolution had already suffered a tough blow when he had found out that Rachel and Joey had decided to break up.

Now, he had to be even stronger than before.

'_Yeah, go and tell yourself that when she looks at you like that!'_ he thought, noticing Rachel's intent stare.

"I…I have to go now, Charlie's waiting for me, we're going to the cinema."

"What are you watching?"

"It's a documentary about Charles Bukowski's life." He explained.

"Wow, sounds like a fun night!" Rachel mocked him.

"Actually, yeah, it sounds very interesting. But I must admit I like watching more light-hearted movies too, at times."

"That's why you dragged me watching a subtitled documentary at our first date?"

Ross was suddenly brought back to that amazing night.

"No, I kind of hoped that you would ignore the movie to make out." He confessed, chuckling. "But that amazingly didn't happen."

"Of course, it didn't, I wanted to impress you, I watched it carefully to make you understand that I could appreciate a serious thing like that!" she admitted, too.

"Oh. That's why you never touched me that night!" he realized.

"Yeah…well, we tried when we got back home…" she reminded him.

"You kept laughing whenever I touched your butt!" he retorted.

"Ok, that's fair." She giggled. "Things got better during our second date, though."

"Indeed." He nodded slowly, soon imitated by Rachel.

Why, why did they need to talk about that, why did they want to hurt each other by remembering the best moments of their past relationship?

And most of all, why couldn't he let her go?

As soon as he remembered that night at the planetarium, Charlie was completely out of his mind.

Rachel sensed his uncertainty and decided to let him go, "Ross? Charlie?"

"Yeah!" he almost yelled.

He walked towards the door, followed by Rachel.

"Remember that tomorrow we need to be at my mother's to celebrate Emma's birthday. She waits us at 11."

"Sure." He replied.

"It's going to be great for Emma, she will have so much fun with her favorite aunts. 50 bucks that Jill and Amy won't even have a present for her."

"Come on, give them a break, maybe they will surprise us."

"I'll consider a small victory them being there, especially seeing that neither of them ever came to the hospital to see Emma when she was born. I can't believe Jill still has to see her in person."

Ross felt very sad for her, "I'm sorry that you have such a difficult relationship with your sisters. I really hope it gets better, one day."

Rachel shook her head and waved her hand, then she stroked her own hair nervously, "Its's all right, you know…I practically stole your sister as mine." She laughed.

"Yeah, and I've got to thank Monica for that. If it wasn't for her, you would have never gotten into my life."

Rachel's eyes roamed over his face, cautiously. She couldn't believe her ears.

Ross felt the urge to correct himself, "I mean, into...our lives."

"Ok, now I really have to go. See you tomorrow morning."

"Ok, have a good night."

"You too."

Ross took the camera and its tripod, then he disappeared from Rachel's view, closing the door behind himself.

Rachel watched the door for another minute, thinking about Emma.

She was so incredibly glad that she was Ross's daughter. She suddenly remembered talking with Phoebe about something like that, once.

§

"_I always figured the first time I had a baby was with somebody I love, and that baby would be a…keeper."_

_§_

Of course, that was a very different situation; Phoebe wanted to be a surrogate for Frank Jr and Alice's child, and she wanted to convince her how a weird idea that was.

But she did believe what she had said, and if she was honest with herself, the only man she had ever wanted to have children with, was Ross.

Apparently, nothing had really changed, since then.

She smiled to herself and walked towards her bedroom.

* * *

**April 4, 2020**

"_Yeah, and I've got to thank Monica for that. If it wasn't for her, you would have never gotten into my life."_

"_I mean, into...our lives."_

"_Ok, now I really have to go. See you tomorrow morning."_

"_Ok, have a good night."_

"_You too."_

_§_

Emma Geller-Green felt tears forming to the corner of her eyes.

Her half-brother Ben was sitting next to her on the couch and her younger sister Isabella was sitting on the armchair.

"Oh my God!" Ben shouted. "Can you believe this?" he asked his sisters.

"No!" Isabella chuckled.

Emma was still emotional. When she had found a DVD labeled 'Emma's 18th birthday' on her desk that morning, she couldn't imagine that she would see something like that.

"I thought they got back together months after your first birthday." Ben elaborated.

"They did." Emma nodded. "But it's undeniable…I mean…look at them!" she yelled.

Emma took the remote and rewound the video until she found the moment she was looking for.

_§_

"_You're still my Rachel."_

"_Then, you're still my Ross."_

_§_

Emma stopped the video, "Come on!" she screamed.

"They look very much in love." Isabella agreed. "They sooo wanted to be together, you can tell from the way they look at each other!"

Ben shook his head in confusion, "Dad and Rachel's whole history is so crazy. I remember how weird it was seeing them together when I was a child, you know? They were meant for each other; nobody could understand why they weren't together. They were like…a couple without the benefits of being a _real_ couple, if you know what I mean." He smiled shrewdly.

"It's difficult to think about a time when they weren't together. They look like a perfect couple, so in tune with each other…It's impossible to try and imagine them on their own…" Emma said.

"Well, they had their ups and downs towards the end of the 90s, but they got through their issues and got back together. And that's where they belong." Ben voiced his inner feelings about it.

"Oh, they are still so needy and smoochy…daddy still showers her with gifts, not even Aunt Monica and Uncle Chandler are so sappy!" Isabella claimed.

"Yeah, Rachel and Dad were always that nauseating." Ben chuckled.

The three siblings heard a noise coming from the main entrance of the huge house. Ross and Rachel had moved in the suburbs and now lived in Monica and Chandler's neighborhood.

Ben didn't live with them, but he was often there, especially when there was something to celebrate, like Emma's 18th birthday.

Ross and Rachel were getting inside, giggling and cuddling. Ross was holding Rachel from the back, kissing her tenderly on the cheek.

Ben, Emma and Isabella shared a knowing look.

"What was I saying?" Ben smiled, waving his hand in their direction.

"Hi guys!" Ross greeted his children. "What are you doing?"

Emma hesitated for a second, "We…just finished watching the video that mom left me for my birthday."

Ross thought deeply, then he realized what she was talking about, "Oh, yeah! Did you like it, Ems?"

"Yes…it looks like you and mom really got into it when you recorded it. It's filled with a long conversation about your relationship…" Emma explained.

"What are you talking about?" Rachel asked. "That was a collection of video messages for you, honey!"

"Actually…you spoke a lot about yourselves…oh, you also mentioned a woman named Charlie…" Isabella continued.

"What…We certainly didn't mention Charlie in our message for you." Ross retorted.

"Yes, you did!" Emma repeated.

She took the remote and rewound the video again.

§

"_I…I have to go now, Charlie's waiting for me, we're going to the cinema."_

"_What are you watching?"_

"_It's a documentary about Charles Bukowski's life." _

"_Wow, sounds like a fun night!" _

_§_

Rachel and Ross kept watching the screen and realized what had happened.

"The camera probably went on recording a conversation that was supposed to be secret…" Ross said.

"Oh my God…"

§

"_Oh. That's why you never touched me that night!"_

"_Yeah…well, we tried when we got back home…"_

"_You kept laughing whenever I touched your butt!"_

_§_

Rachel put a hand on her forehead, desperate and ashamed, "Oh my god! You all watched this part?" she screamed.

The three siblings laughed, "Yeah."

"Come on, Rachel, we are all grown-ups!" Ben tried and calm her down.

"Isabella is just 15, Ben!" Ross scolded him.

"Well, I'm not a girl anymore, dad. I've been past the bees and flowers phase for quite a while…"

Ross shook his head and closed his eyes, "I'd rather not be aware of the fact that you know these things, thank you!"

"Look at you, mom! You two were so in love, what were you waiting to get back together?"

Rachel stared at Ross, amused by that weird situation. "I was waiting for your dad to break up with Charlie and make my move to take him back. A look was enough." She joked.

"What are you talking about?" Ross replied. "You were leaving for Paris, and I had to run to the airport to convince you and stay!"

"That's so not true! I made the first move when I came to your house the night before, looking for you to tell you how sorry I was!"

"But I was the first to kiss you, otherwise you would have left, and we wouldn't have solved anything!"

The three kids were looking from Ross to Rachel, with their eyes moving as if they were watching a ping-pong ball jumping from one side to the other of the table.

Fortunately, they were accustomed to this kind of verbal banter between their parents.

"Well, the morning after I was the first one to say how wonderful that night had been!" Rachel yelled.

"But you believed that was, I quote literally, _the perfect way to say goodbye_!"

"How could I know that you still loved me?" she claimed.

"It looked pretty obvious that night, we slept together!" Ross replied.

"You should have told me immediately that you still loved me, not wait for the last chance, at Newark!"

"I'm sorry I dragged my sorry ass around two different New York airports, traveling on Phoebe's death cab to come and tell you that I loved you and beg you to stay!"

"And I'm sorry that I got scared and didn't know what my life was gonna be! Five minutes, that's how long I hesitated before getting off the plane! They had shut the door; I couldn't get off that damned plane!"

"Yeah, and you left that message on my answering machine! Excuse-me if I still keep it today as my…"

"Mobile ringtone…" The three siblings ended the conversation for Ross.

Both Ross and Rachel turned their heads, remembering that their children were right there with them. They both burst out laughing.

Ross took Rachel in his arms, holding her tight. "I'm sorry sweetie, it's not a match to decide who loves the other more."

"Not at all, because we all know you love me more." She told him.

"You are the one who can't live without me." Ross murmured.

"No, it's you." She whispered.

"Ok, it's me." Ross concluded, making Rachel giggle.

They kissed each other lovingly.

Ben, Isabella and Emma shared another annoyed look.

"How about going out and have some drinks to celebrate your birthday?" Ben asked his sister.

"I'm with you. I cant's stand these two any longer." Emma shook her head, almost grossed out.

Rachel looked at her out of the corner of her eye. "Watch out, Emma. It'll come a day when you find a man that will be what your father and I always were for each other."

"What?" Emma wondered.

Ross and Rachel looked at her and they were backed up by Ben when they all answered, "Your lobster."

Emma and Isabella exchanged a questioning look, not understanding the reference.

Ross winked at Ben, who knew exactly what they meant.

"I'll tell you on our way." Ben promised his sisters.

"Let me guess, that has something to do with Aunt Phoebe?" Isabella asked.

Ben chuckled, "It couldn't be no one but her, could it?"


End file.
